


Bleed Into One

by bluejoseph



Category: Trench - Twenty One Pilots (Album), Twenty One Pilots
Genre: 5+1 au, Anxiety, DEMA (Twenty One Pilots), Falling In Love, First Kiss, Getting Together, I Love You, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Literal Sleeping Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Violence, No Smut, Panic Attacks, Past Sexual Assault, Sharing Clothes, Sign Language, Touch Aversion, Tyler has some anxiety issues, mute characters, please read safely, trench, tyler goes back to dema 4000 times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2019-11-04 15:16:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 43
Words: 21,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17900561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluejoseph/pseuds/bluejoseph
Summary: In which Tyler learns to use his voice. Or, five times Josh rescues Tyler from Dema, and one time he gathers the courage to leave the city on his own.





	1. These City Walls

**Author's Note:**

> title + chapter names from "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" by u2

Tyler hated the moon.

It didn't look right, and it never had. Lately, though, Tyler found himself even more dissatisfied with, perhaps repulsed by, the satellite. Its pale expanse, its almost watchful glow, reminded him of events he would rather forget.

The moon made it difficult for him to sleep. Tyler’s curtains were always, always closed, but sometimes the moon would peek in between the little gap between the curtain rod and the actual window. Sometimes it was hidden from his view, but he knew it was there all the same. It was impossible for him not to think about it, on those nights. 

Even on a night where he struggled to fall asleep, he always found himself a little relieved when the alarm by his bedside went off at exactly four am. This was the time that Tyler would dress, go into the hallway, and join the procession towards the morning meal. Everyone woke at four and went to bed at ten. It was how things worked. 

Nobody was permitted to go to their rooms in waking hours. Tyler didn’t mind. At least while he was working, he couldn’t see or think about the moon--or anything else, for that matter.

Tonight, he hadn’t seen the moon, but he knew it was there, and it made sleep unreachable. Tyler wasn’t allowed to get out of bed in the night unless it was an emergency, and his issue with the moon was not something he wanted to explain to the bishops. He simply laid in bed, arms at his sides, hands clenched tightly, and stared blindly into the dark.

Tyler was so intently focused on trying not to think that it took him a moment to realize a figure had entered his room.

As soon as he noticed the figure, hidden in shadows by his door, Tyler scrambled up. Laying down was a sign of weakness; someone had come into his room before and he knew what to do now. His hands trembled as he sat, perched at the edge of his bed, waiting.

But something was different about this figure. They did not speak in the gravelly, frightening voice that Tyler knew. As they stepped forward, Tyler could see that they were not wearing scarlet robes, but a green shirt with yellow tape in an X over the front. A yellow piece of fabric was tied around the lower half of their face, and their eyes glinted not with hunger or malice, but with urgency.

The yellow was what startled Tyler most. The bishops had warned him about this color, had told him he would be severely punished if found with it, had urged him to report anyone wearing it. Tyler opened his mouth to shout for help, but the figure moved quickly, clasping their hand over his mouth so that he could not speak.

“Don’t.” The figure’s voice came, whispered and hushed through the yellow fabric. “Please. They’ll hear you.”

Tyler’s whole body was shaking. Of course, of course. He wasn’t allowed to scream. He blinked hard a few times and nodded once. 

The stranger let him go, seeming to notice his distress, and leaned down a little to be more at his level; a sign of peace. “East is up,” he said. Tyler didn’t know what this meant. “I’m here to help you. What’s your name?”

Tyler feared this yellow-clothed stranger and his steady voice. He signed his name slowly; his hands were still trembling. ‘Tyler.’

The stranger’s eyes crinkled. “I’m Josh. It’s nice to meet you, Tyler.” He stood up to his full height, then, adjusting his bandana. “Are you ready to go?”

Tyler didn’t know what he was talking about. He shook his head rapidly.

“Hey. It’s gonna be alright.” Josh’s eyes flicked over him, seeming concerned, and pulled something out of the pocket of his pants. “This is for you,” he whispered, and held it out to him. It was a sunflower. 

Tyler didn’t know how he knew that.

He couldn’t make himself take the flower--it was yellow. Josh curtly stuck it into the pocket of Tyler’s nightshirt, and grasped his sleeve, pulling him up. “We need to go now. It’s going to be a bit of a long journey, and we need to be quiet. I bet you’re used to that, right?”

He nodded quickly. Quiet was something he could understand.

He stayed quiet as Josh pulled him up from his bed, and out into the hallway. It was all he truly knew how to do.


	2. Cold As A Stone

Tyler tried not to pay too much attention as to which way they went. He only let Josh guide him, hand clenched into the fabric of his sleeve. It wasn’t too bad.

The surroundings were familiar for the first part of the journey. Tyler, like nearly everyone in Dema, was not supposed to go wandering wherever he pleased. He had breakfast, and he worked, and he had dinner, and he had worship, and he slept. There wasn’t time for anything else. That was the way the bishops said it had to be, and Tyler didn’t dare disagree with them.

Josh didn’t seem to care about the laws of Dema at all. He spoke, and he wore yellow, and he ducked down hallways and passages with a speed the bishops would frown upon. Tyler thought this was foolish of him. There might not be any bishops there at that moment, but they would find out about what he and Josh were doing.

The thought of it made him shudder.

Before he could think on this much further, Josh pulled them down a stairway Tyler didn’t recognize, and they entered some type of tunnels. Dema was pristine and man-made, but this place was earthy and irregular, seeming to have been created by the hands of a thousand people. It was dark, and he could barely see his own hands.

Josh stopped finally, letting go of his sleeve.. “How are you doing? You feeling alright?”

Tyler shrugged. It was a little cold, and he wished he were wearing something a bit warmer; his nightshirt was not meant for cooler temperatures.

Something seemed to occur to Josh, then, and he stuffed his hand in his pocket, pulling out a small silver item. As he flicked a small metal wheel, there was a clicking sound, and then a tiny flame, lighting up the cramped tunnel. It was a lighter. Tyler didn’t know how he knew that.

“We’re almost there,” Josh promised, and he took hold of Tyler’s sleeve again. “Come on.”

They walked on, going a little slower this time. Josh seemed to be more at ease, whereas Tyler was feeling more and more nervous. They had been going on for a while now, and they must be approaching the edge of the city by now. 

Tyler knew he wasn’t supposed to leave the city. Leaving the city was one of the worst things he could do, as a citizen of Dema. It was a crime to leave. The bishops would punish him…

“I can see them,” Josh said, squinting into the darkness. “We’re almost out.”

He stopped suddenly, forcing Josh to halt with him. There was a light at the end of the tunnel, small, but surely growing bigger. He could see the glow of flame, hear the footsteps of the group approaching them, and he finally realized what was going on.

These people were taking him away from the city, away from Dema. That was what had been happening all along.

He pulled his arm free of Josh’s grip, quickly overcome by fright. ‘I can’t,’ he signed quickly, fingers casting thin shadows on the tunnel walls. ‘I have to stay.’

Josh faced him; the lighter’s tiny flame was reflected in his eyes. “Tyler, you can. I promise you, you can. The bishops can’t control us out there.”

The mention of the bishops, along with the increasing noise of the group approaching them, set him off. Tyler turned and ran blindly in the dark; his hands scraped the side of the tunnels, his feet scuffed the uneven ground.

Then a heavy weight crashed down on him, and Tyler screamed for the first time in three years. 

He couldn’t see anything, but he could feel the warm body above him, trying to hold him down. Tyler fought and kicked and screamed his voice raw. The lights and voices from the end of the tunnel came closer and closer, until they swallowed Tyler like the maw of a great beast. 

His brain clicked off like the lighter, dark and forgotten on the dusty earth.


	3. The Highest Mountains

Light was the next thing Tyler was aware of. His eyes were still shut, but just the tiniest bit of it filtered into his eyes. He wondered, for a moment, if he had fallen asleep at the greenhouses again, and this was all some sort of night terror. It wasn’t such an outlandish thought.

But, if this were true, he would be in deep trouble with the bishops. The fear pricking at his heart made him open his eyes and sit up. 

He was laying on top of an unzipped sleeping bag, a few blankets tossed over him. Looking around quickly, he appeared to be in a tent. He had absolutely no idea how he got there.

The shirt he was wearing, he noted, also wasn’t the nightshirt he usually wore. It was a soft olive green thing with sleeves down to his wrists and a simple pocket over the left breast; no collar, no sleeve cuffs. Slowly, Tyler slipped his hand into the pocket and pulled out the sunflower Josh had given him. 

It was crumpled, now--the petals were drying and fading, and the stem had thinned out. It was recognizable all the same.

His nightshirt was sitting in a small heap next to his pillow. Carefully but quickly, Tyler pulled the olive green shirt off in favor of the Dema-issued one. Almost the moment he buttoned the very top button, the flap at the front of the tent rustled, and a girl popped her head in.

“Oh! You’re awake!” she sounded surprised. “I’ll go let Josh know you’re up.” She disappeared just as swiftly as she had appeared.

Tyler was frightened again. It was very clear, now, impossible to ignore that he was not in Dema. He didn’t know where, exactly, that he was, but being outside of the city would surely result in his punishment. His hands began to tremble, and he nestled himself a little deeper into the blankets, pulling them up higher to hide his anxiety.

Josh peeked his head into the tent. His bandana was pulled down around his neck, now, so Tyler could see his face; he had stubble on his chin. “Tyler, hey. Can I come in?”

He nodded timidly, and Josh entered, sitting promptly on the canvas floor. He was wearing a jacket the same color as the shirt Tyler had been given, and the hood was pulled up to hide his close-cropped hair. “I want to apologize for tackling you last night.” He lowered his eyes, swallowed, and went on. “It wasn’t right of me, but I couldn’t let you go back to the city.”

Tyler looked down at his lap, and didn’t respond for a moment. It wasn’t Josh’s fault that he had freaked out so badly; he didn’t know. He didn’t know, and Tyler would prefer to keep it that way. He lifted his hands shakily from the blankets to sign. ‘Why?’

“You deserve a chance to see what’s outside of Dema.” Josh’s hands were resting in his lap; he fiddled with his thumbs. “I know you might not believe it right now, but it’s a terrible place. People can leave the city, people can get better. The banditos are proof of that.”

Banditos. The term was unfamiliar to Tyler. He didn’t know the sign for it, so he spelled it out instead. ‘B-a-n-d-i-t-o-s?’

“The people who live outside of the city.”

This was, perhaps, something even stranger. People existing, living in a place that wasn’t Dema, who were beyond the bishops’ reach. Tyler couldn’t fathom it.


	4. The King Of Gold

Josh brought Tyler food and water, although he barely touched it. Besides that, the bandito mostly left him alone, promising he wasn’t going far and that if Tyler needed anything, he should rustle the opening flap of the tent to get his attention. He seemed to understand that Tyler couldn’t speak, which Tyler was strangely grateful for.

He didn’t know if anyone would stop him if he tried to leave, but he was afraid to. The light had seemed off to him from the moment he opened his eyes, and Josh had explained that this place was outdoors, lit by the sun rather than by the sunlamps in the city. The lamps were bright, but the sun was brighter, more yellowed. 

The bishops had taught Tyler that the sun was something to be avoided, and so he stayed where he was. There wasn’t much to do, and he spent much of the day sleeping.

When he woke again, the light had changed from a sharp yellow to a warm gold, and it was a little chillier than before. This change startled Tyler, and he climbed out of his little nest of blankets, tugging sharply at the tent flap until it made a rustling noise.

He heard footsteps, then, and he scrambled back a little. Josh poked his head into the tent and looked down to see the huddled boy sitting on the canvas. “Hey, Tyler, what’s up?”

Tyler couldn’t understand how Josh could be so casual. He tugged his sleeves up slightly to sign; they were a little too long on him. ‘The light is different.’

Josh blinked. “Yeah. Sunlight changes throughout the day, it usually looks more orange around this time.” Tyler could scarcely believe that. “Do you want to come out and see?”

He shook his head no quickly. 

“Maybe peek your head out?” Josh suggested. Tyler shook his head again.

The bandito tilted his head slightly, as if thinking. He disappeared, then. Tyler could hear a rustling outside the tent, a soft snap, and then Josh’s hand appeared in the tent, full of something green.

“It’s grass,” he explained. “Go on, take it. It’s safe.”

Tyler hesitated, then carefully pulled a strand of the stuff out of his hand without touching him. It was soft and delicate in Tyler’s hand, and it reminded him of the baby plants in the greenhouse.

Josh let go of the remaining fistful of grass, letting it scatter onto the canvas below. “Do you want anything else?” he asked, sticking his head back into the tent again.

He set the little piece of grass on his knee. ‘What else is there?’

The bandito’s face broke open into a smile, and for a reason Tyler could not name, it caused him to stare. He had nice teeth. “We have some wood stacked up for the fire.”

Over the course of two hours, Josh brought Tyler a number of new things. Some of these things, Josh explained, came from nature: wood, pebbles, a feather. Some of them, however, were taken from the city: books, ribbon, a pen. He had seen some of these objects before, in the room where Nico dwelt, but he had never touched them or known what they were.

Tyler liked the pen the most. He scribbled a little black circle on his thumbnail, just because he could, and it brought him a strange sort of delight. 

“Do you want me to draw something?” Josh asked. He’d come into the tent by now, sitting at a safe distance away from Tyler. Explaining the concept of art, of creation, was a bit of a long story.

Tyler nodded quickly, intrigued. Josh smiled with his perfect teeth and pulled up his sleeve to draw something on his arm. After a few minutes of careful pen strokes upon skin, he had a little drawing of a creature he explained as a vulture.

‘It’s lovely,’ Tyler signed. He couldn’t stop staring at it.

Josh laughed a little. “It’s kind of messy, actually. But, thank you.”

‘Draw me something.’

The bandito seemed surprised. “On you?”

Anxiety pulled at Tyler’s brain, but he nodded and pulled up his sleeve, just a little, so that his hand was exposed, and he rested it on his knee. 

Josh scooted closer, leaned down a little, and began to carefully draw on Tyler’s hand, touching him as little as possible so as not to make him uncomfortable. The pen ink was cool on his hand. Josh’s thumb brushed his skin occasionally; it was rough but not cold, not like the hands Tyler knew in Dema. It wasn’t too bad.

He leaned back again when he was done, seemingly satisfied, and capped the pen. Tyler held his hand up a little to get a better look at the drawing. It was a simple thing, composed of only four lines: one across, and three down, the middle line going through the center. It looked sort of like the letter E turned sideways.

‘What is it?’ He signed slowly, taking care not to smudge the ink.

“It’s the symbol of the banditos,” Josh told him. “It means ‘East is up’. That’s what we say to help recognize one another.”

Tyler thought of Dema, and a shiver went up his spine. His hands felt cold. ‘I’m not a bandito.’

“Maybe not yet.”


	5. One Empty Night

Night came, creeping up on the bandito camp like a wild animal. Josh offered to stay in Tyler’s tent, if he wanted the company, but he declined. 

‘I’ll be okay on my own,’ he signed, although he wasn’t at all sure of it.

Josh nodded silently, staring at his hands for a moment. “You can speak, you know. The bishops can’t hear you.”

‘I’ll be punished..’ 

“Not out here,” Josh said matter-of-factly. “Most of us talk out loud. It’s perfectly safe, I promise you.”

Tyler, still, said nothing. He was thinking that maybe, just maybe, he could trust Josh, but he was still afraid of punishment. Fear was not something he was accustomed to letting go of.

Josh rose from where he’d been sitting, brushed a piece of grass from his jeans, and exited the tent. He stuck his head back inside for just a moment, the faintest of smiles on his face. “Goodnight, Tyler.”

Something in his chest clenched. He swallowed and parted his lips.

‘Goodnight, Josh,’ he mouthed silently.

The bandito beamed, showing his teeth as he spread his mouth into a wide smile. “Goodnight.”

Tyler stared at the entrance to the tent for a long time after Josh left. He hadn’t seen someone so visibly, so outwardly happy, for as long as he could remember. He’d almost seemed to glow in the growing darkness, like a beacon, drawing him in. Like the moon.

Except no, no. Josh wasn’t the moon. Tyler shook his head quickly to himself, trying to shake off the thought, but it stubbornly stuck with him. Suddenly the air in the tent felt stiff and stale. The fear of what was outside was still there, but now that it was dark, he it had settled into a more familiar fear. Darkness was something Tyler was accustomed to.

Heart beating quickly, he rose from the place he’d been sitting and carefully pulled back the tent flap. 

There was something about ten feet away from where he stood, a glowing mass that he recognized as fire. His tent, it seemed, was one of many circling the pit, which was unattended.

Tyler’s hands were shaking. He carefully slipped out of the tent and stepped away from the fire’s glow, wandering into the shadows.

He didn’t know what compelled him to walk away from the bandito camp, but he listened to it. No matter how quickly he walked, no matter where he went, the moon watched him, like a single, half-closed eye. 

The night air was almost bitterly cold. Just as Tyler was considering turning back, he heard a rumbling. Softer, then louder; hoofbeats. He began to tremble, and he quickly ducked behind a twisted tree, back against the trunk. 

The hoofbeats stopped almost as abruptly as they’d started, and Tyler thought it might be okay to keep walking, but then a voice, soft as cotton, made itself known to his ear.

“My son, why are you hiding from me?”

His heart stopped as a figure approached him; Nico, clad in his scarlet robes, atop a white horse. Tyler felt tears prick at the corner of his eyes, and he moved forward, getting onto his knees.

‘I’m sorry, Bishop,’ he signed, fingers shaking, eyes lowered to the ground. ‘I didn’t’’

Nico waved his hand to stop him. “You are in no trouble with Dema, my son. The real danger is the bandits that wander out here.”

Tyler blinked. Nico was double-sided, two-faced. The side he was showing Tyler now was the merciful one, the kind one. This Nico cared for Tyler like a father his son. 

“We were worried about you, in the city,” Nico continued. “Can you imagine how we felt when we saw that you were gone?”

He tried to think from Nico’s point of view. He’d vanished the previous night without a trace, no sign whether he was alive or dead, or where he had gone. Yes, the bishops must have been worried. Of course they were.

‘I’m sorry, Bishop,’ Tyler signed again, and he meant it. He kept his eyes cast downward as he signed, almost hesitantly, ‘Can I come home?’

The bishops did not smile, but Nico’s voice grew warmer. “Of course, you can. Do you think you can follow me?”

Tyler nodded once. Nico turned his horse and began slowly heading in the direction he had come, away from the bandito camp. Tyler followed him obediently, hands at his sides, feet unsteady on the unfamiliar ground.

He was afraid to look back.


	6. The Hand Of The Devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> please note that the rating and warnings have been changed! read safely, loves

A few days passed in the city, without Nico or anyone else giving Tyler so much as a second glance; in fact, most of them hadn’t seemed to have noticed his disappearance in the first place. He was relieved, because attention, in Dema, was almost equivalent to punishment. It was almost as if nothing had changed.

Tyler would be lying to himself, however, if he said he didn’t think about what had happened. The banditos, their camp, the world outside of the city. All of it was so strange, so different from Dema.

He thought about Josh, too, a lot more than he’d thought he would. He didn’t understand it much, but it made him feel a little guilty. The bishops wouldn’t be happy if they knew.

Four nights after being taken back to the city, Tyler was woken from a restless half-sleep by the soft shutting of his door. It was barely a click in the hollow night, but he started up immediately, eyes shooting open to see the figure standing just inside his room.

Some part of him snapped when he saw the scarlet cloak, the tall form of the intruder, but he carefully pushed his covers aside and sat on the edge of his bed. It took everything in him to hold still, fingers linked together and sitting in his lap as he waited. Tears were already starting to pool in the corners of his eyes, but he remained silent.

Then, a voice, not Nico’s; softer. The figure pushed back the hood of their robes as they moved forward, something the bishops would never do. “Tyler?”

Immediately, he burst into tears, but he couldn’t get up. He clenched his hands tightly, legs trembling so hard it made his bed shake. All he could see was the dark red cloak that was wrapped around Josh’s shoulders. 

The bandito moved forward quickly, concerned. “Tyler, hey. I’m not one of them,” he said, pushing the cloak off and letting it fall to the floor to reveal the yellows and greens Tyler recognized. He kicked the cloak under Tyler's bed. “I’m not one of them. I promise.” 

The boy slowly, carefully lifted his shaking hands up to his eyes to smear at the tears pouring out of them. Josh untied his bandana from around his neck and held it out to Tyler. He shook his head, though, choosing to wipe his nose on the sleeve of his nightshirt.

“I had to wear that to get in here,” Josh said, softly. “The bishops patrol on moonless nights. Easier for people to get in and out.” He reached a hand out, as if to physically comfort Tyler, but then thought better of it. “I’m so sorry, Tyler. I promise I’m not one of them. I’m here to take you to Trench.”

The last sentence made Tyler’s throat choke out a fresh sob. He grabbed the sleeves of Josh’s jacket, desperate for something to hold onto, to keep him here, with the bandito, and out of his head, with the bishop. Josh seemed surprised but didn’t dare push him away. He moved one hand a little, hovering near Tyler’s arm. “Can I touch you here…?”

He nodded rapidly, and the bandito gently rubbed his arm. This slowly moved to Josh rubbing circles into Tyler’s shoulders, to Tyler crying into Josh’s jacket, to Josh climbing onto the bed with Tyler so he could hold the sobbing boy.

Josh was careful not to move suddenly, and to keep his arms loose and easily escapable around Tyler, in case he changed his mind. Tyler was grateful.

After a while, the panic in Tyler’s head died down, to a manageable level. He sniffled as he became more aware of his surroundings. It was still dark. Josh was holding him, and it...it wasn’t too bad.

“I won’t make you come with me,” Josh whispered. He brushed his thumb over the collar of Tyler’s nightshirt, gently. Josh was so gentle, he thought he might cry again. “It’s okay if you’re not ready.”

Tyler surprised himself by shaking his head. He moved back a little so that Josh should see his hands, and he signed slowly. ‘No. I want to go.’

“Are you sure?”

He swallowed, wiped the last of the tears from his eyes, and mouthed his reply. ‘Yes.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing this? that shit hurted


	7. Healing In The Fingertips

This time was different.

This time, Tyler knew what would happen. Josh led him down the hallways, as quietly as possible, grasping Tyler’s hand instead of his sleeve. It wasn’t too bad. 

The tunnels under the city were cold, still, but when he saw the torches at the other end, waiting for them, Tyler didn’t run away. He was nervous, yes, but he stayed close to Josh, and the banditos greeted him with warmth.

“I’m glad we don’t have to carry you this time. That was exhausting,” one girl joked. Tyler recognized her as the person who had fetched Josh when he first woke up in his tent. “No offense,” she added with a smile. 

Walking out of the city was...unlike anything Tyler had ever done. The terrain was rugged, filled with dry brush and crumbling cliffs, with a huge, open sky above them. The moon was hidden behind some stray clouds, so despite the new territory, Tyler wasn’t as afraid as before.

‘So this is Trench?’ Tyler signed to Josh as they walked. His hand felt cold without the other boy’s in it.

“Yeah, this is it.” Josh smiled a little, a few of those perfect teeth visible in the light of the torches. “What do you think?”

Tyler didn’t know what to say. ‘It’s big,’ he signed finally. Josh laughed, and something in Tyler’s chest stirred. He didn’t know what it was.

By the time they finally arrived at the bandito camp, he was practically asleep on his feet. He went right into his tent without any prompting, kicking off his shoes blindly.

Josh watched him from the entrance of the tent. If Tyler had been paying attention, he would have noticed the look on the bandito’s face, the way he seemed almost about to say something important. He shook his head, instead, and leaned back. “Goodnight, Tyler.”

The other boy was too tired to respond. He fell onto the blankets, and then, into a deep slumber.

He felt strangely well-rested by the time morning came. The sunlight brightening his tent seemed a little less intimidating, but he still felt a bit nervous about it, and he wasn’t ready to go out just yet. Not alone, at least.

Tyler missed Josh, just a little, but he didn’t want to bother anybody, either, so he didn’t rustle the tent’s flap, or try to draw attention in any other method.

There was a fresh sunflower by his makeshift bed when he woke. He didn’t know who had put it there, but he was pretty sure it hadn’t been there when he fell asleep. Thinking of the one he had under his pillow in Dema, he put the bloom in his nightshirt pocket.

The girl from last night poked her head in the tent after a while, smiling when she saw he was awake. “Morning, Tyler! I’ll tell Josh you’re up.” And then she was gone again. He wondered how she knew his name. He wondered what hers was.

Only a few moments later, Josh himself appeared in the entrance to the tent. The hood of his sweatshirt was down, revealing his close-cropped hair. “Tyler, hey. Can I come in?”

He nodded, and the bandito entered, sitting on the canvas floor next to him. “How are you feeling?”

‘A little hungry,’ Tyler admitted. 

Josh smiled. “Do you think you can come out of the tent? The rest of us are eating breakfast.”

He hesitated. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, with Josh nearby. Tyler was genuinely starting to trust this boy, despite the brief amount of time he’d known him; Josh had been nothing but kind to him, trying to do his best to help Tyler, and make him comfortable, but also to encourage him to try new things.

‘I’m nervous,’ he signed, instead of an answer. He felt his skin prickle, shrugging his sleeves down over his hands to feel a little safer.

Josh thought on this for a moment. “Would wearing something warmer help?” he suggested. “Some of the newer banditos wear hoodies, to kind of hide in them. Makes the rest of the world a little easier to face,” he added.

Tyler nodded quickly. He didn’t have a hoodie or a jacket in Dema, but he liked to surround himself with his blankets at night, like a wall between him and the darkness. 

There was a slight pause, and then, Josh spoke again. “D’ya wanna borrow mine?”

The boy eyed the bandito’s camouflage hoodie a little. It fit Josh pretty well, but Tyler was much narrower than he was, and it looked like it would be big and comfortable. Still, he didn’t want to inconvenience him. ‘Don’t want you to be cold,’ he signed.

“I’m kind of warm, actually. It’s no problem,” Josh told him. Tyler nodded a little, then, accepting.

His heart jumped as the bandito pulled his hoodie over his head. His undershirt rode up a little, exposing his stomach, and Tyler’s cheeks burned. He looked away until Josh handed him the hoodie, and he pulled it on swiftly.

It smelled clean and fresh, and strongly Josh-like. Tyler felt safer almost immediately, huffing a little in contentment as he stuffed his hands in the front pocket. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so cozy. ‘Thank you,’ he mouthed.

Josh’s eyes were soft, squinting, as he smiled, revealing those perfect teeth. “Of course.”


	8. All My Shame

Being outside, with the banditos, was strongly overwhelming. The hoodie helped, but it didn’t do much to hide him from the natural world--the smell of the grass, the cool breeze, the sun, although it wasn't quite as unbearable as he thought it would be.

Tyler didn’t look at it too much--it hurt his eyes--but he thought the sun was one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen. It was the complete opposite of the moon, in every way. It didn’t glow or loom; it shone. It looked down on him in a way that made him feel safer, more protected. 

There were dozens of banditos outside the tent, gathered around the fire, which seemed to always be burning. They ate bits of bread and fish with their hands, talking and laughing and nudging one another. Josh was the only face he recognized, so he stayed close to him.

It wasn’t that the banditos were unkind to him. Indeed, they just nodded to him or waved at him, and a few said hello. But they were banditos, bandits in the eyes of the bishops. Tyler was afraid to interact with them. 

‘I want to go back in the tent,’ he signed to Josh, just as the other boy brought some food for them to share.

Josh tilted his head, considering. “Are they making you nervous?” 

He nodded swiftly, tugging up the hood of his sweatshirt.

“How about we go somewhere else?”

‘Where?

“Somewhere less crowded.”

Tyler was wary, but he decided to take a little chance and trust him. Josh led them away from the bandito camp, along a trail leading East. The trail wound upwards, twisting among the craggy rocks, before finally finishing on top of a high cliff. The only thing above them was the sky, clear and bright, and the only thing below was Trench.

The breeze, sharper now, was grounding and freeing at the same time, and it frightened Tyler. But he couldn’t ignore the tug in his heart, something that told him this was an okay place to be.

They ate in silence for a while. The food was simple, plain, but different from what Tyler had in Dema. He chewed slowly, pulling his hood back down to feel the air tug gently at his hair, brush against his cheeks.

“I sit up here all the time,” Josh told him, interrupting the strange peace. “It’s cleansing.”

Tyler thought on this, for a moment. Some parts of him felt cleaner, maybe--his face, his hands, his arms. The safe parts of him. 

‘I guess,’ he mouthed. 

Neither of them spoke again for a long while after that. They just sat, and breathed, and soaked up the sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've finally worked out my tumblr situation if you're interested in following me! I'm bbluejoseph (bluejoseph with one b was taken rip)


	9. Burned Like Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was/am really out of it when i wrote/published this so it might not make sense??? i'll come back tomorrow and check it again but i hope it's okay, i just needed to update again

Night approached, as it always did. They’d gone back to camp in the late afternoon, driven by hunger, and they’d eaten in Tyler’s tent; he still felt uneasy around the rest of the banditos. Josh offered to stay, but Tyler declined once again; he was used to being alone at night, in the city. He didn’t want to think much about the alternative.

He was tired, but almost the moment his head hit the pillow, he knew sleep would be impossible. 

There was an unfamiliar tugging in his chest, in his brain, that he didn’t completely understand. When they got back to camp, Tyler had been tempted by the fire’s warmth, even though every Dema-born instinct within him screamed to turn away from it. 

He’d been tempted to take Josh up on his offer to stay in his tent, too. Perhaps that one was even stranger. Tyler was not one to long for company. Most nights, in fact, in the city, he would lay in bed and pray for something as gracious as to be left alone. 

But, at the same time, he almost...enjoyed Josh’s company. Josh was kind. He was gentle. He didn’t touch Tyler without asking. He understood Tyler’s boundaries. He had perfect teeth.

Just thinking like this made guilt clutch at his heart. He shouldn’t be thinking of Josh like this. What would the bishops think, if they knew?

But, that was the thing. They didn’t know. This thing, this strange and possibly wonderful thing growing steadily in Tyler’s heart was his and his alone. It was a secret.

A secret like this one could get him killed.

His anxiety made him restless, and he found he could no longer stay inside his tent. Swiftly, he swapped his outfit, changing from Josh’s sweatshirt to his nightshirt from Dema. An unfamiliar urge within him prompted him to bring the crushed, partially dried sunflower; he slipped it into his pocket.

Leaving the tent was hard. Leaving the bandito camp was...hard. It shouldn’t have been.

This time, when Tyler heard the hoofbeats, he almost ran. His muscles burned, his hair stood up on his neck; as though every part of his body was telling him to flee. He stood in place, however, waiting, until Nico’s horse entered the clearing.

The bishop’s eyes were colder this time, less kind. “You’ve been taken again.”

Tyler swallowed, eyes turning downward. ‘Yes, bishop.’

Nico was silent for a moment before speaking again. “Have they...told you, anything? Information on future plans?”

His throat closed up tightly, but he forced his hands to be steady as he signed. ‘No, bishop.’

Another pause. Tyler was terrified; it wasn’t technically a lie. But he felt as though he’d just betrayed the only family he had. 

“Very well.” Nico turned his horse around, away from the camp, far in the distance. “Take care that this does not happen again. We’re going back to the city, now. Come.”

Tears rolled down Tyler’s cheeks, filled with fear and relief all at the same time. He obeyed.


	10. Tongue Of Angels

Life in Dema was definitely different.

Tyler did his work in the greenhouses. He ate in the dining hall, he went to his room at night like he was supposed to and he pretended to sleep. 

But his mind was constantly at work behind his eyes. Thoughts of Trench passed through his brain every time there was nothing else to occupy it. When Tyler was afraid--when the watchful eyes of Nico moved over his back, when he laid in bed at night and bit his lips so hard they bled--he tried to remember what lay outside the city. 

Remembering Josh was something he did frequently. It wasn’t easy to forget his perfect teeth, his voice, his eyes, shining from above his bandana mask. It wasn’t easy to forget the way he treated Tyler, like he was a person. With kindness and gentleness and respect. With something soft and warm and unquiet, although Tyler couldn’t place a name to it.

There were so many thoughts going through his head, and he...he wasn’t trying to push them away so much anymore. He knew it was dangerous, he knew this was a risk, but he couldn’t deny what he was feeling.

He waited, and hoped, and waited. And he was rewarded.

The door to his room creaked open softly one night, and Tyler leaped out of bed immediately. His body was torn between the excitement of being freed from the city, if it were Josh, and the terror of violation, if it were Nico. Fortunately, it was the former.

Josh rushed to him quickly, almost the moment the door was closed, pulling his bandana down to prove it was him. They stood close together at the edge of Tyler’s bed, closer than they had before, but not touching. 

“I missed you,” Josh whispered. Tyler could feel the bandito’s breaths puff across his face.

“I missed you,” Tyler repeated. 

He stopped. He lifted his hand to his mouth.

It wasn’t much, but he’d just spoken his first words in years.

Panic gripped him roughly, but the look on Josh’s face shoved it aside; he was glowing, and Tyler understood, and he nodded. Josh tossed his arms around Tyler, wrapping him in a warm hug. Some of the weight loosened from his shoulders.

“I knew you could do it,” Josh mumbled into the collar of his nightshirt. He swallowed, and he did not know why. His fingers gripped at the back of Josh’s jacket.

After a few moments, Josh pulled away, still grinning brightly. Almost hesitantly, Tyler found himself joining him in offering up the smallest of smiles. It felt strange, but not unwelcome, on his face.

Josh raised a hand slowly to tuck one of Tyler’s loose curls behind his ear, and he suddenly found he couldn’t breathe. “Your voice is lovely,” he said carefully, softly. “Your smile, too.”

Tyler didn’t know what to say. He looked away, for just a second, and Josh grasped his hand. “Are you ready?”

He cleared his throat, almost wincing at the foreign sensation. “Yes,” he whispered. 

Maybe, he could really learn to speak, if it would mean he could make Josh glow like that again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he speaks!


	11. Higher And Higher

They fled the city together, hand in hand. Tyler had nearly memorized the route by now, and he stuck close to Josh; rather than letting the bandito pull him along, he kept pace with him. 

Hurrying into the tunnels, they stopped for a moment, just within the darkness. They were safe, here. Or at least, closer to safety.

Tyler’s heart skipped about frantically. He was...excited. Leaving the city, like this, it was a thrill. Being with Josh like this. 

He hadn’t forgotten Nico’s warning to stay in Dema, but the urge to leave the city had been growing every day since his last return. He wanted to be in Trench, with Josh. He wanted to escape, if only for a little while. He couldn’t get out alone, and Josh was here...Josh was here and he wanted him to come with him. Tyler couldn’t say no.

The bandito flicked open his lighter, letting it light up the otherwise dark space. He seemed to notice the way Tyler’s eyes shone at the object, and his eyes crinkled. “Do you want to hold it?”

“Yes,” Tyler whispered. Josh grinned and handed it to him carefully.

The tiny flame flickered gently in his hand. It was blue, almost white; different from the fire in the bandito camp. Tyler felt almost as if he were holding a tiny, bright animal, and he was afraid to move, lest he frightened it away.

Then Josh grasped his free hand again, and they went on.

The light at the other end of the tunnel was somehow dimmer than before. Once they got closer, Tyler realized that there were fewer banditos than the previous two escapes they’d made. Before, there had been about a dozen; now there were only six.

He felt a little more secure, though, in the smaller company. A tall boy with coal black hair offered him a jacket with yellow tape on the shoulders, and Tyler took it without thinking twice, slipping it over his shoulders and buttoning it up to his throat. 

“Can I tell them?” Josh asked as he nimbly plucked his lighter from Tyler’s hand. He was puzzled, at first, as to what he could mean, but realized it after a moment and nodded.

“Tyler spoke tonight,” he announced to the group. 

Cheers and words of congratulations came quickly from the banditos. They were all smiles, all encouragement, all pride, and Tyler felt bashful under so many gazes. He tucked his sleeves down over his hands.

The group began their trek, then, into the mountains. There was a cold wind tonight, rustling the fabric of Tyler’s jacket and pushing his hair around. It was frightening, in some ways, but it grounded him. He was outside the city. He was in Trench. It wasn’t too bad.

He was almost disappointed when they arrived at the bandito camp, as the others split up to stand around the fire, disappear into tents, and talk with the few others still awake. Tyler felt a yawn in the back of his throat; he was tired, but he didn’t want to be alone just yet.

He and Josh lingered by the fire together for a moment, Tyler nervously fiddling with his fingers before finally signing his statement. ‘I should get some sleep.’

Josh nodded a little, staring at the fire for a heartbeat longer before looking to Tyler. “Do you want me to stay with you?”

He chewed on the inside of his lip, considering. “I won’t touch you,” Josh said quietly, for Tyler’s ears only. “I promise.”

‘I kind of want you to stay,’ he admitted.

The bandito blinked. Tyler expected him to laugh, or tell him he was stupid, but he looked serious. “Maybe we can give it a try?”


	12. Loosened The Chains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drop me an ask on my tumblr! I'm bbluejoseph

Tyler waited nervously in his tent, huddled in his nest of blankets. Josh had gone to his own tent to get some bedding of his own, and to let Tyler get ready for bed.

He’d taken off the jacket the banditos had given him earlier, setting it at the foot of his makeshift bed, and he’d gotten nestled in a few moments ago. He was anxious.

Sleep was difficult for him, as it was, as it had been for three years. He felt unsafe--vulnerable--at night. If he was asleep, someone could get at him much easier than if he were awake. Sitting here now, hiding beneath his blankets, he could remember the voice that filled his body with terror. Tyler trembled.

The tent rustled, and Tyler started, ready to fight and flee and give up all at once, but the glint of yellow told him it was Josh. The bandito was wearing a green shirt similar to the one he’d been given when he first came to Trench, and his bandana was still wrapped around the lower half of his face. He tossed the pile of blankets he’d brought onto the floor and untied his bandana, setting it to the side.

Josh seemed to notice, then, the way Tyler was hiding. He had the biggest, thickest blanket wrapped around his body, curved up over the top of his head like a hood. “Are you okay?”

He chewed on his lip, anxiously. This was Josh. Josh was safe. ‘Yeah,’ he signed, narrow hands slipping out of his makeshift cloak for a moment. ‘Yeah, just give me a second.’

The other bandito looked at him for another moment before arranging his own bed, laying out two blankets a few feet away and crawling on top of them, pulling the rest over his body. The sight soothed Tyler’s nerves just a little. Everything that had happened had happened on top of blankets and stained mattresses, with no regard to comfort. Josh was comfortable. Josh was ready for sleep. Josh was not Nico.

“I can still leave if you want me to,” Josh whispered. He was staring at Tyler.

The boy shook his head a little, and slowly laid down. The blankets covered most of his body, but he finally let his head peep out, hair mussed from static electricity.

‘I’m just a little nervous,’ he signed.

Josh nodded and rolled onto his stomach, head laying on his side. “Would talking help?”

‘Yes.’ Tyler paused, then added: ‘Not me. You. Talk to me.’

“About what?”

‘About Trench.’

He fell asleep to Josh’s almost soothing voice, recounting tales of escapes and raids and laughter around the fire. It wasn’t too bad.


	13. Honeyed Lips

A soothing warmth was the first sensation Tyler felt when he woke. He was still sleepy, and he probably would have drifted back into slumber if not for the soft rustling of blankets. His eyes popped open, then, to reveal soft dawn light filling the tent.

He sat up, wrapping his top blanket around him, and he saw Josh.

The bandito was asleep. He had clearly rolled over since last night, but other than that, he hadn’t moved and his bed was still a few feet away from Tyler’s own. An arm was lazily tossed over his face, partially hiding his closed eyes and making the rest of his face more prominent.

Tyler strangely found himself moving closer, staring at the other boy as if he’d never seen him before. Josh looked so much softer while he was asleep, if that were even possible. His chest rose and fell slowly, peacefully, in the early morning air. His muscular arms were loose and relaxed.

But Tyler was drawn not to his body; rather, to his face. A certain feeling filled his chest and stomach almost the second his eyes fell upon Josh’s lips, and then he couldn’t stop looking at them. They looked soft, maybe a little chapped, but certainly warm. Strangely inviting.

There was something so odd about this moment, about the way he was feeling. It was sudden, but not sharp, filling his chest with an emotion he had not known he was capable of, an emotion he did not know existed. His cheeks were warm, his mouth was dry, his heart was scrambling and scratching at the fence of his ribcage.

Vaguely, he was aware that he wanted to kiss Josh. This would have puzzled him if he let himself think about it, but he tried to push his worrisome thoughts aside and just enjoy the moment he was in, to acknowledge what he was feeling while it still felt okay to feel it.

He decided, then, that while the sun was still beautiful, it was not the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Josh--here, in this moment--was intensely, wholly pretty. Prettier than anything else in this small world.

Tyler found himself shaking Josh’s shoulder before he could stop himself. The sleeping boy groaned as he was roused from his sleep, making Tyler’s heart stutter. He rubbed at one eye with his hand as he blinked, eyebrows knitting in confusion. “Tyler?”

His voice was like rain at midnight. Tyler wanted to cry; this was so confusing and so strange and Josh was so beautiful. He signed instead. ‘I want to kiss you.’

Josh blinked again, sleepiness fading a little as he sat up on his elbows. “You...what?”

Tyler bit his bottom lip nervously. ‘I want to kiss you.’

The bandito reached a hand up, then, letting it hover near Tyler’s head until the boy nodded. His fingers moved gently over Tyler’s jaw, smoothing over his cheek. “Say it.”

Tyler swallowed. He spoke in a cracked, disused voice. “I want to kiss you.”

“Then kiss me.”

Tyler did.

It wasn’t too bad. It wasn’t bad at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they kissed!!! yeehaw


	14. What I'm Looking For

For all that had been done, Tyler had never kissed, nor been kissed. But some part of him, in the back of his brain, must have known what to do, because he kissed Josh like he had been doing it all his life.

And Josh kissed him back. Tyler’s heart was jumping about frantically in his chest, and Josh was kissing him back, and it was  _ everything _ . It was like all the lights had come on after being in the dark for decades. It was such a chaste kiss, mouths closed, hands to themselves, but he felt euphoric. The lines were meeting in the middle, the colors were bleeding into one.  _ This is it! _ Tyler’s heart seemed to be shouting.  _ This is it! _

Josh was the one to separate their lips at last, flopping back onto his makeshift bed; he’d been leaning up to kiss him. It felt like it had lasted for hours, but it was probably a few seconds at most. 

The bandito’s eyes were blown wide as he stared up at Tyler.  Suddenly, he felt self-conscious; no, guilty. What would the bishops think? What did Josh think? He probably hated him now. ‘I’m sorry,’ he signed swiftly, hands shaky. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.’

“No, no, hey.” Josh reached a hand towards Tyler, stopping before he touched him. Tyler nodded, and the bandito traced his thumb over his cheek. “I liked it.” He chewed on the corner of his lip for a moment before adding, “I like you.”

Tyler was electric. “You do?”

Josh grinned at the sound of his voice. “Yeah.”

“I like you, too,” he whispered, voice lower. It almost hurt to speak, it was so foreign to him. 

Josh’s smile grew. “Can I kiss you?”

Tyler swallowed, and nodded quickly.

“Here, let me just--” he leaned up onto his elbows and cupped Tyler’s face in his hands, pulling him closer and pressing their lips together. 

This kiss was warmer, sweeter, like sunshine, and Tyler felt like he was dissolving. He gripped the front of Josh’s shirt carefully to keep from floating away. Josh made a soft noise in approval, fingers against his jaw.  Tyler shuddered, and _it was_ _good. _

They only broke apart when they needed air, puffing soft breaths into each other’s faces. Tyler felt shy...but not uncomfortable. His cheeks went red when Josh nudged his nose with his, smiling against the corner of his mouth.

“I could kiss you all day,” Josh confessed in a soft tone.

Tyler clung tighter to his shirt, a rare smile forming on his face. “Can you?”


	15. Carried The Cross

Tyler’s second official morning in Trench was spent in his tent, with Josh. Indeed, they spent most of that day kissing lazily, exploring one another where it was deemed safe. Tyler was content, even pleased, when Josh touched his face, his shoulders, his hair. And Josh made it clear that he enjoyed having Tyler close to him, in whatever form he was okay with.

Kissing Josh was like coming home. Kissing Josh was leaving the city, rushing to something strange but so, so familiar.

The fact that Josh was enjoying it, too, made Tyler go crazy. His heart jumped when Josh sucked on his bottom lip, when his perfect teeth grazed his tongue. He would make soft little noises now and then when Tyler kissed him in just the right way, and whispered little encouragements and bits of praise when they paused to breathe.

“You’re doing great, Ty,” he breathed, once, against Tyler’s bottom lip. “Are you uncomfortable? Do you want to stop?”

He shook his head, rapidly, making a soft noise in the back of his throat as he clung tighter to Josh’s shirt. Their noses brushed, making Josh giggle, honest to god; Tyler thought he might die. He caught Josh’s mouth in another kiss, vaguely disappointed when it cut off the bandito’s sweet laughter.

Late in the afternoon, nearing evening, as the sun turned from pale yellow to honey gold, they lay together on the mess of blankets. Josh was laying on his back, one arm folded beneath his head, his free hand gently carding his fingers through Tyler’s hair. Tyler himself was laying on his stomach, head resting comfortably on Josh’s chest. 

“I think I knew you before,” Josh said finally.

Tyler blinked, opening his sleepy eyes; he had nearly drifted off, he felt so comfortable. “Hm?”

“I think I knew you before Dema,” Josh clarified. “I’m almost sure, actually.”

This puzzled him. “Before?” he whispered.

“Yeah.” He looped his finger around one of Tyler’s curls. “Before Dema. Some of us, the banditos, we have connections to one another really quickly after meeting. The theory is that we used to know one another before...whatever was before.”

Tyler took a moment to let this sink in, shutting his eyes. ‘So you think we were together?’ he signed. His fingers tickled Josh’s stomach as he did so, making him smile.

“I do. I felt a connection with you from when I first saw you, and it’s been growing ever since. When we were in the tunnels that first night…” he paused. “I couldn’t leave you in the city. I felt like I was losing the only person that mattered.”

Tyler nodded slowly. He remembered parting his lips to mouth a goodnight to Josh, his desire to turn back towards camp on his first night wandering in Trench. He’d come to trust and care for Josh so swiftly that it seemed almost impossible. Perhaps they did know each other before…

He wished he could remember it.


	16. I Have Run

Only once the sun began to set did the two boys finally venture out of the tent. Tyler was still a little nervous around the other banditos, but Josh held his hand, and he was almost certain that he would be safe here.

The fire was warm and bright in the blue dusk, the figures of the banditos casting shadows on the tents behind them. He could scarcely tear his eyes away from the brilliant flames, crackling and sparking in the otherwise still, empty night. 

The glow was so bright, it outshone the moon. Tyler could definitely appreciate that.

Josh got some food for them--canned stuff, probably stolen from Dema--and they sat together, eating with their fingers. The others mostly left them be, either nodding in their direction as a greeting or ignoring them completely, which was just fine with Tyler.

Just as they were finishing their meal, however, the dark-haired bandito from last night approached, giving a swift nod to Tyler and facing Josh. 'We need you in Mark’s tent. Plans.' He signed clearly but swiftly, blinking dark eyes.

“Thanks, Clancy.” Josh stood up, then looked to Tyler. “Will you be okay by yourself?”

He looked down, nodded.

Josh leaned close and pressed a quick kiss to the top of his head, making him smile a little. “I’ll only be gone a minute, I promise.” He lingered there, for just a moment, before turning to follow Clancy into a tent across the camp.

Tyler was nervous, sitting by himself. He stared at the fire a while longer before growing antsy, starting to fiddle with his sleeve.

“Hey, do you mind if I sit with you for a minute?”

He looked up swiftly, heart racing with anxiety. It was the blonde girl from before, the one who’d checked up on him on his first two times here. She had clear blue eyes and boots with yellow tape on the sides. Tyler nodded slowly, and she sat on the log next to him at a safe distance.

“You’re Tyler, right?” she asked. Her voice was gentle, sweet; not too loud or too soft. He nodded and slipped his hands out of his sleeves to sign. ‘What’s your name?’

He was worried that she wouldn’t understand him, but she smiled. “I’m Jenna. It’s nice to formally meet you.” She rested her elbows on her knees, and her chin in her hands. “How are you liking Trench?”

‘It’s different,’ he signed, after taking a moment to think. ‘It’s clear and open. Nothing like the city.’

“Nothing like the city,” she agreed. “I came from Sacarver’s district. It wasn’t too bad there, but I wouldn’t want to go back.”

Tyler became a bit nervous again at the mention of the bishops, but he tried not to think about it. The pair sat in silence for a moment before Jenna spoke again.

“Josh really seems to like you,” she pointed out, smiling wryly. “Were you guys connected, before?”

His neck went red, and he nodded shyly, worried that she would respond in a negative way. Her smile grew, however. “I thought so. I’ve never seen him bond so quickly with someone else.”

A voice called her name, then, across the camp; a redheaded girl was poking her head out of one of the tents. Jenna stood up, then, and gave Tyler a little wave. “That’s Debby, I’d better go. I hope you choose to stay here, Tyler.”

She was gone, leaving him with her parting words. Stay here, in Trench…


	17. I Have Crawled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this book has reached a thousand views!! (1,030, if we're being specific). it's my first fic to reach this milestone and I'm positively thrilled. thank you so much for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos. I hear every single one of you, and I'm grateful for your support <3

It was difficult to imagine. Tyler shut his eyes, just for a moment, and tried to picture it. What would life be like here, in Trench, if he stayed here forever? 

He pictured staying with Josh, adoring him and kissing him and spending time with him. Making plans and carrying out raids. Helping people escape the city. 

The bishops would be angry. The bishops would be furious, knowing he was even thinking about this. 

What was he doing? Becoming a rebel? Dema was his city, he was born there.

Or was he? Tyler suddenly had a million thoughts swimming through his brain. If Trench was real, what else were the bishops lying about? What was before Dema? Was there anything before Dema? Anything after?

What would the bishops do to him, if they knew what he’d been doing here?

Distress was slowly increasing within him, and staring at the fire began to hurt his eyes. Fresh air was what he needed. Clear air, to think.

He only meant to step away from the fire, but then he was stepping away from the logs, and the tents, and the camp itself, urged on by the moon. The night was brisk, cold, sharp. He shuddered, but he shed his jacket beneath a tree, leaving only his thin undershirt beneath.

The camp was still within his sight, lit by the fire, but the flames looked more like the ones on Josh’s lighter than a great, roaring beast. Tyler had wandered so far.

Too far. 

He didn’t hear the hoofbeats, and he nearly jumped when he saw the gleam of Nico’s white horse, striding through the brush and stopping a few feet away.

“You left the rebels,” Nico asked, although it sounded less like a question and more of a confirmation.

He lowered his head in respect, nodded gently. 

And then Nico was getting off of his horse. Nico was approaching him, standing in front of him, putting a hand under his chin. Tyler’s entire body froze up, all except his hands, which began trembling.

The bishop’s hand was cold, damp. Tyler’s eyes were shut tightly; it was taking all of his energy not to collapse or run or--

“Open your eyes,” Nico commanded. Slowly, he obeyed.

The veil the bishops always wore concealed his face from Tyler, but there was no denying the bishop’s distrust, perhaps even his anger, in the faintly visible features. Tyler shook, trying to keep his head still, trying not to break.

Nico’s frozen fingers moved, wrapping carefully around his throat, and he couldn’t breathe at all.

The bishop pinched him sharply, then, just under his chin, and he let go. Tears were pooling in Tyler’s eyes, scarcely held back from flowing down his face. He was barely standing.

It seemed like forever before Nico climbed back onto his horse, pulling on its reins to turn it in the direction of the city. “You did the right thing.”

And Tyler--traitorous, terrified Tyler--knew the bishop was wrong.


	18. You Know I Believed It

Tyler knew some people tried to escape the city. Even before Trench--before Josh--he knew about them. The citizens who failed to make it out, but survived the experience. They were few.

The bishops stamped letters on the pockets of their shirts: FPEs, or failed prisoner escapes. These people were kept under close watch, still considered citizens of Dema, but enemies at the same time. They were distrusted, disliked, avoided; closely watched by the bishops.

Or at least, that’s how it was in Nico’s district. Tyler didn’t know what they did to FPEs in other parts of the city. 

Tyler, before Josh, had never tried to escape the city. He was back in Dema, three times over, but he hadn’t failed in his escapes. Indeed, he had escaped successfully but then caught, captured, and brought back. He didn’t expect to be labeled an FPE.

The morning after his third return to the city, he was taken aside before entering the greenhouses. 

Nico stood patiently by the entrance to the chain link fence outside. There were multiple greenhouses within, where the citizens would go to work, tending to the plants that would eventually provide food. Tyler kept his head even lower than usual that morning as he joined the line, trying not to be singled out, but Nico spotted him and beckoned him.

His heart raced, but he stepped out of line, standing in front of the bishop. Nico had a small black pot, and he dipped the tips of his fingers into it. “Lift your head,” he ordered, and Tyler did as he asked.

“For your three counts of betrayal,” the bishop stated, “you will be marked, so that everyone will know what you have done, and so that you will see and learn from your crimes.” His cold hands touched Tyler’s neck; he could feel the black liquid on his skin. 

Thankfully, then, the bishop let him go. 

For the rest of the day, the other citizens avoided him. Physical contact with others was strongly frowned upon in Dema, but it seemed even more forbidden now. Nobody dared get near him. When he signed to ask a question, they would give short, curt answers. Some gave him sharp looks, or fearful ones. Most refused to even look at him at all. 

It was only when he returned to his room for the night, filling his sink to wash his face, that he saw his reflection. His neck had three smeared black marks on it, like stripes, except they stood out almost as much as the yellow the banditos wore. Tyler smeared at the lines fretfully, but they didn’t disappear, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to wash them off.

Three times escaped, three times captured. He’d never seen anybody with marks like these...then again, he’d never seen anyone disappear and reappear from the city, as he had. Why did they keep bringing him back alive?

Nobody would look at him for weeks. Nobody, except Nico.


	19. Believe That He Will Come

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bit of a short chapter, sorry! to help make up for it, though, I did a trivia tuesday thing for this fic on my tumblr! you can check it out here --> https://bbluejoseph.tumblr.com/post/185205082379/ao3commentoftheday-trivia-tuesday-creators

By the time his door opened, late one night, Tyler was desperate to leave the city.

Socialization and communication were low in Dema, anyways, but now that Tyler was marked as a traitor, it was even worse. They had all stopped looking at and acknowledging him completely, and it made him feel alienated, inhuman. His hands shook constantly, and he couldn’t stand to look at his reflection in the sink any longer than he had to.

Nothing was right in this place. Tyler just wanted freedom, acceptance; he wanted to be in Trench.

Josh opened and closed the door quietly that night, but quickly, as if he’d been chased. Tyler sat right up in bed, scrambling free of the sheets as Josh rushed to him with the same urgency.

Their mouths met in the middle, hands clutching wildly. Josh kissed him with an intensity that he had not known before, pushing him back a little and making the back of his knees hit his bed frame. Tyler clung to him as tightly as he could, afraid that if he let go, the bandito would disappear.

None of their kisses had been like this one. It was so quick, so urgent; they hadn't seen one another in over a month. Tyler had begun to worry that Josh had moved on, had decided he was too much of a hassle and that it wasn't worth it to bring him back to Trench; that perhaps, even worse still, he didn't really care about him in the way he'd thought.

But this moment, this kiss, proved all of that wrong. Josh had climbed the highest mountains, Josh had run through the fields, just to see Tyler again, and to bring him out of this dark place. He wasn't giving up.

The kiss was over too soon for both of their likings, and then Josh was slipping a sunflower into his pocket. “East is up.” His tone was formal, but the sweetest of smiles crossed his face, nudging at Tyler’s cheek with his nose.

“East is up,” he whispered, unable to stop himself from grinning. Josh kissed him again, much quicker this time, and then tugged on the collar of his shirt. “We can’t linger. Are you ready?”

He nodded, and Josh led him to the door, opening it just a crack and peering into the hallway. While they’d been careful and quiet on their previous escapes, Josh seemed particularly cautious tonight. “Stay with me. We have to move fast.”

Tyler clutched his hand, Josh opened the door, and then they were gone.


	20. Then All The Colors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy pride month everyone!!!

They rushed through the halls together, pausing only when they heard footsteps, waiting until they had receded, and then rushing onwards. There was no time to kiss, no time to share words. 

Tyler was panting by the time they reached the tunnels; he wasn’t used to the exertion. The air, at least, was colder here, helping him to cool down quickly. He felt instantly safer, as well, now that they were below the city. Safety, he realized, was something he was learning to properly recognize.

They paused for just a moment in the darkness. Tyler couldn’t see Josh, but he could hear him breathing, knew he was there with every bone in his body. Their hands were still linked.

“God, Tyler, I missed you so much,” came Josh’s voice, soft and heavy. Tyler swallowed.

“I missed you too,” he said aloud. His voice cracked somewhere in the middle, and he cleared his throat, repeating himself. “I missed you, too.”

Josh’s hand moved from where it was clutched in his, sliding up his arm, clutching the sleeve of his shirt. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes,” Tyler said, quickly. The word echoed against the tunnel walls, inside his heart. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

And then the bandito’s hands were sliding against his jaw, clumsily--blindly--at first, then steadily as their mouths met. And then Josh was pressing closer; Tyler’s back was pressed to the tunnel wall; Josh’s hands fisted in Tyler’s shirt. 

His stomach jumped with nervousness and excitement all at once. It wasn’t like he’d thought it would be. Josh wasn’t trying to smother him, or make him stay in place; he was excited. He was so full of affection for Tyler, had so much affection to give him that he overwhelmed him a little. He hadn't felt love like this before--at least, not in his memory, but what did that mean these days? His heart was so full, he felt it would burst.

Tyler's heart beat frantically, but there was nothing, nothing in Josh' actions and his gestures, that wasn’t kind. There was kindness in his perfect teeth, in the way he clutched at Tyler like he couldn’t bear to let him go. Everything Josh did, every moment of this, was a gift he’d never known he wanted.

“Are you guys coming, or what?”

Tyler pressed his palms to Josh’s chest and shoved him back quickly, startled by the intruder. The tunnels were lit up by a brilliantly burning torch, held in the hand of Jenna. She was grinning, clearly amused at catching them in the act.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” Josh managed. He was breathing hard, and his lips were shiny. The tiniest bit of pride sparked in Tyler’s chest; he had done that.

He was so happy to be getting out of the city, to be with Josh again, to be in Trench, that he barely noticed that Jenna was the only other companion on their return to camp.


	21. I Have Kissed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as mentioned before, I'm using lyrics from a u2 song for the chapter titles, but i'm running out of lyrics oops

Tyler woke with that certain weight in his heart. He hadn’t heard his alarm go off, which meant he probably had time before work in the greenhouses began, which meant he was going to stay in bed as long as possible.

Sometimes sleep was the only way to escape the pain. Tyler’s life in the city was even more miserable than usual these days, and other methods of keeping himself steady were unsuccessful. He was lingering on the edge, struggling to cross the line between asleep and awake, when an arm touched his shoulder.

Tyler jerked awake immediately, eyes open and mind alert, but it wasn’t what he was expecting. He was in a tent. Josh had been touching his arm, but drew it back after seeing his reaction. Josh. _Josh_. Tyler was in Trench.

He took a few deep breaths, feeling immediately relieved, and lay back down. The bandito beside him was laying down as well, looking tired but concerned. “You okay?”

He nodded, slowly, settling back into his blankets. Inviting Josh into his tent the night before had been easy, certain, and Josh had accepted just as easily. They still slept separately, but Tyler no longer felt afraid to be near him in this state. He had an instinct within him, something that _must_ have been from before Dema--he was still trying to wrap his head around the concept--which told him Josh was trustworthy.

That instinct within him was the same one telling him how pretty Josh was, how he seemed almost holy in these precious moments between asleep and awake; vulnerable. It occurred to him, then, that Josh trusted him in the same way he trusted Josh. This realization filled his chest with warmth.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked, chewing on the corner of his lip. He still got a little nervous asking.

Josh woke up pretty quickly at that, sitting up and blinking rapidly for a moment; Tyler’s heart fluttered. “Absolutely.”

He swiftly caught the bandito in a kiss, fingers curling into the short hair on the back of his neck; he hadn’t known Josh’s hair could curl.

But, oh, his fingers must have known, because they gently tugged on his hair like he’d been doing it all his life. Tyler’s mouth melted with Josh’s perfectly, and Tyler knew, he _knew_ , then, that there had been something before all of this, before Dema, and Josh had been a part of it. Tyler’s body recognized his. Their circuits were linked.

He couldn’t help it. Tyler had to separate their lips to laugh. He was laughing, he was smiling, he was joyful. Josh didn’t even need to ask why he was reacting this way; he laughed too, gazing adoringly at this boy that had fallen for him so fast, and so hard. Tyler was here, he was in Trench and he was happy.

And then Josh stopped laughing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the cliffhanger!


	22. When You Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a new sideblog on tumblr dedicated to theories about trench and dema! check it out if you're interested, it's @de-ma-do-nt-con-trol

“What’s this?”

Tyler’s laughter had died down in his confusion, and he was silent now upon seeing the look on the bandito’s face. The crinkles around his eyes had softened, his lips turning slightly downwards in a frown. 

Then soft fingers skimmed the side of his neck, and Tyler realized what he was looking at. 

He ducked his head, trying to hide the black marks, and said nothing. He was...ashamed. 

“Tyler,” Josh said gently. 

Tears began to prick at the edge of his eyes, but he couldn’t speak aloud. Pulling his hands closer, he signed swiftly. ‘Nico, when I came back, he marked my neck with this paint. He said it was for the three times I escaped.’ His fingers messed up on the next few words, and he had to repeat them. ‘For my crimes.’

“He’s wrong,” Josh said, firmly, surprising Tyler. “I don’t know about your specific experiences in Dema, but it’s a terrible place to be. You’re leaving the city to come to a better place, to take care of yourself. That isn’t a crime.”

He didn’t respond, just moving a hand up to wipe at a tear that had escaped. Josh gently moved up to kiss Tyler’s forehead, so softly that he could scarcely feel it. “Can I take a look?”

At the boy’s silent nod, Josh gently tilted Tyler’s chin up, then from one side to the other, looking closer at the streaks. It made Tyler feel very vulnerable, but he let the bandito touch him carefully. “I don’t know anyone who’s been given marks like these, but I think we can get this stuff off,” he said finally, wiping his thumb along the black stuff.

The tiniest bit of hope sparked in Tyler’s chest. ‘Really?’

Josh offered a small smile, gently leaning back and pulling Tyler to his feet. “Yeah. Come on, I know just the person to go to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have an uneven amount of bookmarks, fics, and series :) help :))))))


	23. Higher And Higher

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new character! he's actually appeared in the story before, although just for a moment, so no worries if you didn't catch it!

Josh took Tyler to the tent of someone by the name of Clancy, a tall, thin boy with dark hair and bags under his eyes. He was an apparent veteran of Keons’ district, having escaped twice after working closely with the bishop. He was unsure what the paint on Tyler’s neck was made of, or why Nico would have done such a thing.

He did, however, have a solution. After rummaging around in his tent, he pulled out some alcohol and a rag, offering them to Tyler; he seemed to understand that he wasn’t comfortable with being touched by someone he did not know.

Tyler was unable to see the paint without a mirror, and he hadn’t been in the mood to gaze at his reflection since Nico had first marked him. Josh took up the duty instead, sitting the boy in the grass, and carefully tilting his head at all different angles to scrub away at his neck.

‘You came from Nico’s?’ Clancy signed rather than spoke as Josh worked.

Tyler nodded, slowly. He wasn’t keen on answering many questions about the district he had come from, but he still paid attention as Clancy went on.

‘I’ve had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting him. He can be cruel, but I’ve not seen him do anything like this before.’

He just shrugged, then, and looked away. Clancy took the hint, and didn’t bother Tyler again.

His neck was sore by the time Josh had finished, but the rag in his hands was black, and Tyler’s neck was clean. He touched the skin with his hands, feeling relief release his heart at the feeling beneath his fingers. It was gone.

“Better?” Josh hummed, setting the rag aside with a little smile.

Tyler smiled back, just a bit, and nodded.

“Good.” The bandito grasped his hand and pulled him to his feet. “I want to spend the rest of the day with you. If you want.” Tyler, wholeheartedly, wanted.

They spent much of their daylight hours in Trench, just enjoying the freedom and enjoying being together. They dozed in the sunlight on top of the cliffs, letting the breeze ruffle their clothes and wake some soft, dormant parts of their hearts. They ate lunch beneath a short, twisted tree near the creek, sharing food and water between them.

The afternoon was spent wading in the creek that wound right through the center of Trench. The water was cold, but with some coaxing from Josh, Tyler pulled his pant legs up to his knees and stepped into the cold water. They splashed one another’s legs, they collected smooth stones on the shore, they climbed the moss-covered boulders in the small island in the center of the creek. 

Josh tried to teach Tyler how to skip flat stones over the surface of the water, but since it was shallow as well as moving, it was virtually impossible. It was worth it, though, for the little giggles Josh let out when his stones sank, the cheers and smiles when he miraculously skipped one.

As the sun began to lower in the sky, they wandered onward, following the flow of the creek until a loud rumbling, a churning, could be heard. Tyler was amazed to be at the top of a high waterfall, watching the water leap faithfully over the side of the cliff and splash down in the pool far below. Josh practically glowed in the last warm rays of the sun, and as their lips met, Tyler could’ve sworn he tasted like light itself.

It was, perhaps, the best day of his life.


	24. But Yes, I'm Still Running

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me? posting a oneshot and updating bio in one day???? blame my appreciation for beyondmythoughts fakjdsklgd hope u enjoy!

Tyler was woken with a start that night. He sat up swiftly, looked around, but found he was not in the place he’d just been dreaming of. No, he was in the camp, with Josh, who was sound asleep beside him.   
  
The dream he had just had was odd, in its content and the feeling it had given him. He had dreamed of a room he had never seen before, with soft carpet beneath his feet. There was furniture, as well, but nothing familiar, nothing he could place a name to.   
  
Josh was there, and he was smiling and laughing, but he looked different. His hair was tucked beneath some sort of cap with a brim, and the design on his shirt was unfamiliar. He laughed as the soft, furry animal--a dog--put its paws up into his lap, wagging its thick tail. The dream had cut off before he could touch it.   
  
Something had woken him, but in his dazed state, he was unable to focus on what it was. Not right away.   
  
And then he heard the hoofbeats.   
  
They were distant, but swift, and they woke Tyler fully. His heart began to race as he realized what this meant: Nico had returned for him.   
  
Perhaps even worse still, he was rapidly approaching the bandito camp! Tyler’s eyes moved to the sleeping boy beside him. Josh wasn’t from Nico’s district--not that he knew of, at least--but that wouldn’t stop him from dragging him back to the city. And what about the other banditos? They didn’t deserve to be captured, either. What if Nico hurt them, or worse? He knew, then, what he had to do, and it chilled his bones.   
  
Tyler pushed his blankets off, stepping free of the bed and taking off the olive green bandito shirt before buttoning up the one he’d been wearing when he escaped. There was still a sunflower in the pocket from when Josh had slipped it in.   
  
_Josh_. Tyler wanted to kiss him, more than anything, and apologize, because _he didn’t want to leave_. He wanted to stay _here_ , to be with Josh. But he couldn’t let Nico find the camp, and he couldn’t chance letting him wander further in the hopes that he might give up the search. It was too great of a risk. This was about more than just him.  
  
The air was cold outside the tent, but he wouldn't let himself turn back. With a start, he realized there was a lone figure sitting by the campfire, and Tyler could see in the flickering orange light that it was Clancy.   
  
They both stared at one another, neither moving, until the sound of hoofbeats could be heard again. Clancy’s eyes grew darker, almost turbulent. “I have to go,” Tyler whispered, and the bandito did not respond, but he could have sworn that he saw understanding in the glint of his irises.   
  
Without another word, Tyler turned and disappeared into the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are y'all tired of tyler getting his ass dragged back to dema? let me know in the comments


	25. He Will Lift You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have completely lost track of how many times tyler has been snatched back to Dema. like I planned exactly how many times but I have no idea what part of the story we're at rn. I'm a writer guys

Four months.

It had been four months since Tyler left the bandito camp in search of Nico. Four months since he had been in Trench. Four months since he had seen Josh.

He had found Nico far too close to the camp, but just far enough that the bishop wouldn’t see the smoke coming from the campfire. Nico had stopped his horse, looked straight at Tyler, and beckoned him onward without a word.

The bishop walked him to his room, as before, and made certain he was inside before shutting the door on his way out, still silent. Nico was clearly angry, but Tyler was just relieved that he had left.

The next morning, he’d been pulled aside in front of the greenhouses again, and this time, he was given four black streaks on his neck instead of three. Life in the city, after that, resumed to about what it had been just before his last escape--he was treated as if he did not exist.

Tyler had hoped, at first, that one of the FPEs might feel sorry for him, might talk to him, but they ignored him, too; or, they tried to. Once, he approached one in the dining hall, tried to sign to her, but she quickly stepped away with shaking hands. Perhaps it wasn’t that they didn’t want to talk to him, but that they were afraid to. He supposed he couldn’t blame them.

It was strange, this time, how this isolation affected him. He was...angry. He went to work, he did what he was told, but he did so with an air of heightened distress, perhaps even fury. Tyler couldn’t put his finger on why he was feeling this way, or even what he was angry at, for several days, until he realized: he was angry that he was taken back. He’d escaped Dema four times now, and each time he’d been taken back. Why couldn’t the Nico let him go?

Well. He knew why. But it didn’t make it any easier.

Those first two weeks, he spent every spare moment thinking about Trench. He could only hope that Clancy had understood what he had been doing last time, had explained to Josh. Was Josh worried about him? Did he miss him? Tyler missed him terribly, more and more as the days went on.

This missing, of Josh and Trench, slowly turned his anger to a deep sadness, to a heavy ache in his heart that seemed to weigh him down. It was harder for him to get out of bed, harder for him to fall asleep--as if sleep wasn’t difficult enough to catch already. He spent hours staring at the ceiling at night, thinking nothing or everything. 

His anxiety was difficult to manage. Nico was everywhere these days, it seemed, always keeping one eye on Tyler; to see if he’d do something he wasn’t supposed to, or worse. Tyler was on his best behavior, putting all his frets and worries into working extra hard in the greenhouses. It worked--Nico didn’t call him aside once.

Doing what he was told was surviving. But Tyler didn’t want to just survive.

He couldn’t make it out of the city on his own. He had no resources to escape, no torches to light the way, no banditos to reunite with at the end of the tunnel. He wouldn’t even be able to find the camp without them.

Tyler wanted to live. His mind slipped away.

Four months.


	26. He Will Pick You Up

Tyler didn’t need people. There was nothing wrong with isolation.

Oh, but there was. He had become so accumulated to stress that it would have been alien to him to feel comfortable. How was it possible to be so used to something, yet feel it so strongly? 

Almost four months to the day, after work had ended, Tyler was walking home alone. No, his room wasn’t home. Dema wasn’t home. But he was doubting, now, that Trench was home, either. His thoughts were all over the place.

Tyler’s coworkers were ahead of him, walking in pairs or alone, ignoring him completely. He’d given up trying to approach them quite a while ago and had exiled himself to walking behind.

He was so numb that he didn’t even react as a hand clamped over his mouth from behind, arms sharply pulling him down the opposite hallway. Tyler was half guided, half dragged into the supply closet by an unseen figure.

It was only when the door shut and it became dark that panic flared throughout his entire body. Except no, no, this figure was not rough. Tyler recognized this warmth, the gentle hand over his mouth. 

“Please don’t scream,” Josh whispered. He let go.

Emotion slowly gathered in Tyler’s heart as he turned to face Josh. He could barely see him in the closet, lit only by the crack of light coming from beneath the door, but there--the reflection of shiny yellow tape, in an X over his heart. It couldn’t have been anyone else.

Josh hadn’t abandoned him. He was here, he came back for him. 

Then the wave of emotion crashed over him, and Tyler lunged. Josh stumbled back a little, surprised as the boy clutched at his shirt and kissed him with all he had.

There was no time for them to kiss. There was no time for Tyler to lean into Josh, no time for Josh to push his tongue into Tyler’s mouth. They made time.

Tyler was dizzy when Josh finally separated their lips. The bandito placed a hand over Tyler’s chest, where his heart lay beneath shirt and skin and sweat. His voice was soft but steady. “I love you.”

He had thought to say such a thing would be difficult, overwhelming, but it slipped from his lips easily. “I love you, too.” He pressed his nose to Josh’s cheek, heart hammering as love, fear, and relief coursed through him all at once. “I thought you weren’t coming back.” His voice cracked on the last two words.

Josh held him in a tight hug. “I’ll always come back for you,” he said seriously. “I feel just like I did when I first brought you into the tunnels. I can’t leave you here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things are h a p p e n i n g


	27. Warm In The Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> according to my docs, I have 24 chapters written, but this is chapter 27???? k (author's note at the end of this chapter has some self hate???? just a warning)

Running in Dema was impossible. At least, if you wanted to make it out alive.

They couldn’t run, so they walked, as quickly as they could. Everyone was supposed to be in their rooms, preparing for the evening meal, but Tyler could still hear a few people in the hallways, people who weren’t supposed to be there. Their footsteps were slow and deliberate, like they were stalking the escapees.

Just as they reached the stairway that led to the tunnels, Tyler heard a door slam in the hallway behind them. Josh leapt into action, shoving Tyler in front of him, down the stairway; he took the steps three at a time, hurrying as quickly and quietly as he could. “Go, go, go!” Josh whispered frantically behind him, shoving him through the doorway leading into the tunnels.

Cold air enveloped him, and then the door shut. Silence.

Tyler was afraid to breathe.

He was afraid to speak, afraid to breathe, but he had to know if he was alone. He swallowed and asked a single question in a timid voice. “Josh?”

Silence, again, and Tyler was terribly frightened, but then a relieved reply. “I’m here.” A gentle hand brushed his elbow, slid down his arm to his hand.

He squeezed Josh’s hand tightly. There were tears in the corners of his eyes, and he blinked to keep from releasing them.

Their mouths met in the middle, clumsy in the darkness, with Josh’s lips catching just the edge of Tyler’s before settling. They were alive in this place, and they were together again, and nothing else mattered in this small, captured moment beneath the city.

Nothing mattered but for the love in Josh’s hands, clutching at Tyler wildly; the feeling of the cool stone walls on his back. Nothing mattered but the soft noise Josh made in his throat when Tyler threaded his fingers in his hair.

They would have kissed forever if they could.

Josh was the one to finally pull away, fingers lingering on the collar of Tyler’s nightshirt. Neither of them could see in the complete darkness, but one thing was clear--it was time to go.

Tyler took a long breath, and grasped the bandito’s hand, following him down the tunnel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to write hot tunnel smut (tm) in this chapter but it made me want to stab my brain with a fork so I deleted it :)
> 
> I regret typing the phrase "hot tunnel smut" but now I'm laughing oh no


	28. I Have Climbed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story has reached over 2,000 hits and nearly 200 kudos!!!! I just want to say thank you to everyone who has read and supported bio (cough beyondmythoughts cough) so far, I love u all and i'm extremely grateful

There were no banditos waiting at the end of the tunnel. No torches, no gleams of yellow tape or fabric. 

Josh stopped once they reached the outside, finally taking out his lighter. He’d led the way through the tunnel by running a hand along the cold walls; Tyler could hear the soft scuff it made, can see the dirt on his dry fingertips.

“Where are they?” he whispered.

The bandito’s eyes looked black in the dim light. “They had to stay.”

This puzzled Tyler, and he frowned. “What do you mean?”

Josh’s face twisted into a weary approximation of a smile. “You’ve been taken back four times, Tyler. Most get taken back once or twice. Every time we come back, the security is tougher. That person we almost got caught by was a guard. Nico’s been having them patrol the hallways in your building.” He paused, sighing softly. “The others thought it was too risky.”

Tyler took a second to absorb this information. He hadn’t seen the night patrols, not being allowed to leave his room at such times, but he’d heard their footsteps. They made it difficult to sleep; panic clutched at his heart every time he heard them, telling him it was Nico. Nobody had ever come in.

He understood why the banditos couldn’t come back for him. Still, it stung, and Josh must have noticed because he kept talking. “They like you, Tyler, promise. It’s just harder to get to you these days.”

He said nothing at first, adjusting the collar of his nightshirt. “How did you get here, then?”

“I snuck out,” Josh admitted, almost sheepishly. “I mean, I don’t know if I can call it sneaking, I don’t think they would have tried to stop me.”

Tyler’s heart softened. He clutched the bandito’s hand again. “You’re brave, Josh.”

Josh’s neck went red, and he shook his head. “No, no. Just care about you. A lot.” He entwined their fingers. 

It was difficult to travel through Trench with only a lighter as their guide, and it took twice as long as previous escapes--at least, it seemed that way to Tyler. The moon, partially full, did help some. Tyler tried to avoid looking at it, but somehow, it wasn’t quite as bad as before.

When they finally stumbled into the bandito camp, they were both exhausted. There were only three figures around the fire. Two of them leaped to their feet as soon as they saw the boys, and quickly approached. 

Jenna threw her arms around Josh. “You made it!”

Josh laughed as he hugs her back, before letting go. “We made it.”

The blonde surprised Tyler by swiftly patting his shoulder, just twice. She must have known he was uncomfortable with physical touch. It’s actually wasn’t that bad; Jenna was kind and gentle, and he understood she was happy to see them.

The girl standing with Jenna seemed happy, too. Her dark red hair gleamed in the firelight, and Tyler thought maybe he’d seen her before. “Do you guys need anything? I can get you something to eat,” she offered.

Josh glanced to Tyler, who shook his head. “Thanks, Debby. Just tired, though.”

“‘Course.” She smiled with pearly white teeth, then grabbed Jenna’s hand. “We’ll let you sleep.”

As Josh led Tyler towards a tent, he recognized the other person sitting at the fire. Clancy didn’t get up, barely stirred his head at their movement, but he smiled, just a little, and signed something with nimble fingers.

‘Welcome back.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mayhaps i should clarify that bio is the acronym for bleed into one (in case u see it here or on my tumblr) (I do have bleed into one and bio tags on my tumblr if u wanna scroll through!! ok promo over) (also, just a chapter note: grammarly says 'leapt' is not a word,,,,agree to disagree)


	29. Felt The Healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm almost entirely out of chapter names oof

Dawn.

Tyler sat up almost the moment he woke, senses sharp, and heart racing, but he was in Trench. Trench, Trench, Trench. He repeated this phrase slowly, mouthing it under his breath. He was in Trench. 

The figure at his side stirred, a sleepy voice. “Tyler?”

The strongest pieces of panic in his heart crumbled, replaced by a strange relief. Carefully, he lay back down, drawing the blanket back up in the brisk air. Josh tossed an arm over his waist lazily, pulling him closer, and Tyler found himself burrowing his face in the other boy’s neck. This was not his tent. 

Josh drew him aside before they could enter the place he’d stayed before, and asked in a soft voice if he wanted to stay with him that night. It was in the asking, in the kindness in his voice, that Tyler found sanctuary, and he had agreed.

The bandito’s tent was crowded with all the items Tyler’s didn’t have yet--a clearly marked sleeping area, a short end table, clothes, books, shoes, notebooks, writing instruments, rolled up maps scattered all over the place. It looked like it was lived in, it looked like someone slept and ate and thought and spent time there.

There were two sunflowers on the end table, one dried and nearly unrecognizable, the other bright and only slightly wilted. Josh tucked the fresher one into the pocket of Tyler’s shirt. “I can get your blankets from your tent.”

It took a second, but he realized what Josh was asking. “No. No, I don’t mind sharing. I mean, if you don’t,” he added on, which made Josh smile as he took off his shoes.

They had crawled into bed exhausted, with a few inches between them, because that was what Tyler had wanted. Josh held Tyler’s hand, kissed his fingers, and then they fell asleep.

They must have come together at some point in the night. Tyler couldn’t say he minded. Everything was better in the morning, during the day. Nico’s appearances, as well as Nico himself, were wholly nocturnal.

“Wanna kiss you now,” Josh mumbled, breaking him from his thoughts.

Tyler lifted his face from the other boy’s neck, and their lips met briefly before Josh pressed his face into Tyler’s collarbone, smiling against his shirt. “Tricked you.”

He snorted, tugged lightly on Josh’s earlobe. “Do you have any plans for today?”

The bandito tilted his head up a bit more, lips tickling Tyler’s skin as he spoke. “What do you want to do?”

He thought his heart might burst, with all the affection it carried. “Stay,” he said in a soft voice. “I want to stay.” And as Josh left kisses up his throat, little love notes to his body, Tyler knew it to be true.


	30. The Shelter From The Storm

Tyler had been here before. Five times, he had been brought to Trench. This time was different.

He lay in bed, blanket pulled up over his face, as he waited for Josh to get dressed in the corner. After a moment, he heard the bandito’s confused voice. “Tyler?”

Slowly, he peeked his eyes out from beneath the blankets, face burning as he realized Josh hadn’t put his shirt on yet. The boy was grinning. “I got you something,” he said as he pulled on his hoodie.

“Y’ didn’t have to do that,” he mumbled, still a bit embarrassed.

“Did anyway.” Josh set a cloth bag next to him, a smug smile on his face. Tyler pushed the blankets off, fingers fumbling to open the gift.

A long-sleeved gray shirt, a pair of oversized jeans, a pair of combat boots like Josh’s. There was a beanie, bright orange, and a half a roll of yellow duct tape. At the bottom of the bag was a hoodie, mustard yellow, and just Tyler’s size.

“It’s not a lot,” Josh started, suddenly shy. “But I figured you should have some stuff of your own, y’know? Debby helped me scrounge it up. I hope you like it.”

His heart was lifted as he held the items in his arms, and a smile began to form on his face. “I do like it. Thank you, Josh.”

Josh grinned, nudged his arm. “Try it on.”

Tyler didn’t need to be told twice. Josh turned away, and he quickly slipped on the clothes.

The jeans were a little long, but still comfortable. He particularly liked the hoodie; it was a different shade of yellow from the other stuff he’d seen the banditos wear, a softer color. The shoes were gently used, one of the laces beginning to fall apart, but he was able to tie them easily enough. 

He hesitated, grasping for a moment to take it in, before speaking. “Okay. You can look.”

Josh turned. His eyes roamed Tyler’s body, and...it was okay. The bandito’s face glowed, his eyes crinkled, his smile revealed his perfect teeth. He stood up to reach out to him, hands clasping and fingers linking together easily.

“Do I look like a bandito?” Tyler asked, somewhere between joking and serious.

Josh’s voice was soft, and sober. “You are a bandito.”

It was that simple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tyler is officially a bandito now!! yeehaw 🤠


	31. I Have Scaled

Tyler left the tent that morning feeling like a new person. With his new attire, he no longer felt alienated by the presence of the rebels; no, now he felt like one of them. Inexperienced, quiet, unknowing of the trials and troubles of their daily lives. But one of them.

While Josh went to get some food for the both of them, Tyler stepped into the large fire pit to find a place for them to sit. He quickly spotted Clancy on a log by himself and approached with a little wave. The bandito nodded his permission, and Tyler sat beside him.

‘Almost didn’t recognize you in that hoodie,’ Clancy signed, a wry smile twisting the corner of his mouth.

Tyler rested his hands on his knees. “I feel different,” he said, quiet but still audible. It was still a bit frightening to speak in front of the others, but he wanted to try.

Clancy nodded in understanding. ‘Everybody does, once they start wearing yellow. It’s like a transformation. We’re reborn with fire,’ he signed, pointing to the crackling flames in front of them. Not once had Tyler seen it go out; he wondered who tended to it. 

“Reborn?” he prompted, seeing the glint in Clancy’s eyes.

The bandito sat up straighter. ‘Escaping the city is just that, escaping the city. This place, this warmth, that’s where we start to change. A bandito sees this fire, and starts to remember. Doesn’t matter how many times you get dragged back, it won’t be the same.’ Clancy paused. ‘That’s how it was for me, anyway.’

Tyler tapped his fingers on his jeans. “I think I understand. Even after I got taken back the first time, it was different. The city was the same; I was the one who changed. I couldn’t stop thinking about Trench.”

‘And now?’

He waited a moment, thinking it over. “I don’t want to leave. I feel...lighter here. Everything in Dema…” Tyler paused. “It’s heavy. I think it always was.”

‘Focus on the light,’ Clancy told him. He hesitated, looking down before signing again. ‘I don’t know if you want any suggestions...but a lot of the banditos, when they first come here, they shave their heads. It’s not required or anything, but it helps. To get rid of the weight, I mean.’

Tyler blinked. He got his hair trimmed in the city every month, as required by law, but he’d never had it shaved clean off before. If something were to happen, if he were to get taken back, the bishops couldn’t make his hair grow out. It’d be a part of Trench he could carry with him.

“I might just do that,” he said, and as he did, he knows he would. “Thank you.”


	32. With You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I take a while to reply to comments!! please know I adore you and I appreciate your support so so much

“You awake?”

Tyler woke to the feeling of a foot nudging his ribs. He huffed and cast his arm over his eyes, sitting up a little more and wincing at the sun’s beautiful but sharp rays. “I am now.”

He and Josh had gone out into Trench after his haircut. Jenna had shaved his head, leaving him with a buzzcut, not unlike Josh’s. His neck had been scrubbed clean of the black marks--four of them, now--and he was feeling considerably better. As the sun rose, they headed to a spot by the creek with a few large, warm rocks. Tyler had been relaxing there while Josh wandered a few paces away, and he must have dozed off. 

Oh, he wanted every day to be like this one--waking in the bandito camp, eating around the fire with Jenna and Debby and Clancy, and roaming Trench in the afternoon with Josh. He wanted to stay here, badly, but that wouldn’t matter to Nico. He’d take Tyler back with no regard to his desires.

He blinked, shook his head; he didn’t want to think about Nico now. Josh was crouching next to him, holding something cupped in his hands. 

“Didn’t think you were asleep,” he said honestly.

Tyler stretched. “‘S okay.”

“I got something for you,” Josh went on, almost proudly. “Hold out your hand.”

“It’s not a worm again, is it?”

The bandito grinned. “It’s not a worm. Promise.”

Tyler held out his hand, and Josh gave him his gift, something smooth and wet. He held the objects closer, picked one up with his other hand, and realized they were stones.

“I did some wading and I got all the ones that made me think of you,” Josh explained. He moved closer, pointing to the rocks as he spoke. “This one’s almost the color of your eyes. I thought you might like these two, ‘cause they’re almost blue. This one’s heart-shaped. And I got this one ‘cause it’s pretty, like you.”

Tyler’s cheeks were pink. “Thank you.” He pointed at the last rock, which was small and off-white. “What about this one?”

“I just liked that one,” Josh said matter-of-factly. “I named him Ned.”

He smiled, and carefully put the stones in his pocket. “I’ll keep him safe for you, then.”

The two banditos lounged by the creek for a while longer before making their way back to camp. Tyler could see the faint orange tint to the sky, and knew that the sun was setting. He was not looking forward to tonight.


	33. I Have Spoke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this shit hurted fellas :,) angst ahead

Sitting around the fire with the banditos was quite an experience. They tried to keep him busy, Jenna and Debby and even Clancy chiming in with stories of good times they’d had in camp. Josh offered physical comfort, holding his hand and rubbing his arm. Tyler wasn’t cold, being so near to the fire’s warmth, but he huddled into Josh’s side anyway. 

It was bearable, at first, but as the sky grew darker--and the moon rose higher--Tyler became more and more anxious. It was impossible not to think of Nico out there in the dark, coming to drag him back to the city. Eventually, he became too afraid, and he tugged on Josh’s sleeve.

“You want to turn in?” Josh guessed, and Tyler nodded. 

They went to Josh’s tent again, and again, the bandito offered to get him his own blankets, but Tyler shook his head. Indeed, as they climbed beneath the blankets, he clung to Josh, desperate not to be separated from him.

“Hey.” Gentle hands carefully reached out to him, holding him close, rubbing his shoulder. “It’s gonna be okay.”

“I know.” Tyler sniffed. His nose was running. “I know, I just--it’s different this time.” His voice was small as he burrowed into Josh’s arm. “I don’t want to go back.”

Josh squeezed his shoulder, hands moving to rub his back. His voice was soft. “Did you want to before?”

Guilt clutched at his heart, and he nodded slowly, tears in the corners of his eyes. 

“It’s okay,” Josh said gently. But it wasn’t.

The city was built on order, and reactions. Anything the citizens did always resulted in a response from the bishops; the routine of it was capturing. You could do good, and be praised. You could rise through the ranks to become trusted assistants or advisors to the bishops, perhaps even be given better treatment. Or you could do bad, you could make mistakes, and be punished.

Tyler hadn’t always been as quiet and obedient. He’d spoken once, by accident, three years ago. 

Dema was hell to all of its citizens, but to Tyler, it was constant fear. It was sleepless nights and worries that he’d made a mistake, that he’d done something wrong, and that there would be repercussions. 

There were no repercussions in Trench. No one here, Tyler was almost certain, would do something like that to him. He trusted Josh, and he was starting to trust the others.

But Dema was not Trench. Dema was built on order, and reactions. Tyler had left the city, now for a fifth time, and he was terrified of what would happen when Nico returned for him again.

He couldn’t turn him away.


	34. The Highest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I haven't updated in like 4,000 years and I'm sorry !!! after the last long fic I wrote I kind of felt like my writing peaked so everything I tried to make after that was shit. I'm back though because! this story isn't over yet!!! as always please let me know if I made any mistakes

Tyler’s sleep was fitful that night. Every sound made him jump, terrified that it was Nico. Josh seemed to sleep on and off as well, waking when Tyler tightly gripped his arm, soothing him in a voice raspy from sleep. 

There was no room for dreams, but in the off moments, trying to distract himself, Tyler remembered the dreams he had experienced before, in a strange place with strange people. The dog, he decided, was named Jim. 

These things--pieces of before?--only seem to come to him at night, in a state of at least halfway sleeping. 

He wondered if Josh had them, too.

He was startled from slumber a final time as the tent began to lighten, as the sun began to rise. Exhausted, afraid, Tyler pulled himself from Josh’s arms and began to dress, ignoring the bandito’s confused, sleepy calls from the blankets.

The air outside was brisk, sharp, nipping at Tyler’s nose. The fire was burning, and a few banditos were moving about camp. Spotting Clancy sitting in his usual spot, Tyler approached him on unsteady legs.

In the distance, against the cliffs, the sun was peeking at them in a brilliant shade of gold. It seemed caught in the folds of Tyler’s sweatshirt, in the yellow laces of his boots.

He had made it through the night.

Warm arms cast around him, and Tyler did not flinch. Josh pressed his face into his neck. “You made it.”

He let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding, taking Josh’s hand and pressing it over his heart. “We made it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this was short but I plan to update again soon !


	35. To Be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JENNA IS PREGNANT I'M SO HAPPY

Three days and nights came and went since his arrival. Each night, he fell asleep, on edge, waiting, but Nico never came.

Tyler stopped fearing the banditos, stopped fearing this place, and he wandered through the camp without too many worries. He wanted to help out, very much so, and Josh set him up with a few different tasks; collecting firewood, organizing supplies. One night, he helped Jenna dole out food for the banditos.

Josh was busy most of the day in the largest tent. There was a table set up with a large map spread out, stones and twigs used to represent people and supplies. 

“Are you their leader?” Tyler asked one night, sitting with Josh by the fire.

Jenna, sitting on his other side, shook her head. “We don’t really have a leader, per se, just people who are good at what they do. Josh is our best strategist,” she added. 

Josh shrugged, cheeks pink, sheepish. “I’m decent.”

They left camp together in the late afternoons, sitting by the waterfall and just enjoying one another’s company. Many of the wildflowers were coming into bloom, and Tyler found himself fascinated by the bees that pollinated them. They seemed so unfazed by the rough breezes that blew through Trench. 

Everything there was so vibrant, so beautiful. All the colors were brighter, the breeze felt cooler, the night was darker. The sun--something virtually nonexistent in Dema--was a lifechanger. 

There were many good times in Trench, but the best times, in Tyler’s mind, were the mornings.

Josh led him out early, one particular morning, to watch the sun rise. He was wary, leaving in the dark, so they chose to stay close to camp, sitting in a patch of yellow wildflowers just past Josh’s tent. Tyler’s worries were shed as he watched the sun slowly light up the sky, changing it from black to blue.

“It’s lovely,” he said, voice softened by awe.

Josh smiled, and kissed his nose, and tucked a wildflower behind his ear.

Every second of every day was a blessing. A gift he had never expected to receive. Tyler collected them all, and slipped them into his coat pocket, over his heart.


	36. The Chains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case you're not following me on tumblr, here's your announcement: I've finished writing this fic!! there's a total of 42 chapters, along with a prologue. I'll be updating a chapter every other day until it's complete.

The fire was warm on Tyler’s face. He held hands with Josh, sitting around the pit while the other banditos mingled around, passing food back and forth and talking. They always gathered together after sunset for the final meal of the day.  
  
Tyler scuffed his feet in the dust absent-mindedly, smiling. Josh kissed his knuckles. “You hungry?”  
  
“A little,” he admitted.  
  
“I’ll get something for both of us,” he said, standing and squeezing his hand before approaching Jenna, who was doling out cans of food.  
  
Tyler rested his eyes, focusing on the warmth of the fire. It was kind to him.    
  
It was kind, but the night was still there. If he tried really hard, he could ignore it--especially if Josh was there to help--but it was still difficult for him to get to sleep. His dreams were in pieces, scattered with the barks of a dog and utter blackness reaching out to grab him.  
  
Abruptly, he became cold, and he hunched his shoulders a little, trying to shake it off.  
  
No. Fingers, real fingers, cold and wrapping around the back of his neck. Tyler didn’t even have time to shout for help before his body was yanked into the dark, dragged away from the campfire and away from the banditos.   
  
He could see the banditos milling about in front of the fire, but they weren’t looking! He was being pulled into the dark, away from the fire, away from safety. The scream built in Tyler’s throat, struggling, but it couldn’t escape. The banditos did not see him.  
  
Tyler was doomed.  
  
He gasped for air, panicked, struggling, and some other part of his brain suddenly woke up, warned him of the consequences of fighting, but he had been in Trench for too long. He can’t go back to Dema, he _can’t_. Please, no. Not again.  
  
He’s tossed, thrown, back against the edge of the cliffs as he tried to scramble to his feet, with the crimson-cloaked figure of Nico standing before him. Terror filled Tyler’s blood as Nico wrapped his hand around Tyler’s throat again, shoving him against the wall, and he let out a high, strangled scream.  
  
His vision filled with spots, then stars, then nothing at all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW I'M SORRY


	37. Fingertips

Blackness. Silence. 

A rough sound, the barking of a dog. Tyler shot up, gasping for air. A hand reached out to gently touch his, and he recognized it immediately.

“It’s okay, it’s just Jim.” Josh rubbed his arm. “Go back to sleep.”

Still wary, Tyler laid back down onto the mattress. He was in a house, with a bed, with Josh. The blankets were soft and warm, and with his love by his side, he was almost lulled back to sleep. 

Jim--the dog--barked again. A pause, then more barking, louder, defensive.

The bed creaked, and in the vague darkness, Tyler could see Josh sitting up, running a hand through his messy curls. “I’ll go check on him,” he said, and Tyler could hear the worry in his voice. 

Tyler stayed where he was, breathing slowly, and knew what would happen. He tried to speak to Josh, to ask him to stay, to call for help, but he was unable. All he could do was watch as Josh left their bedroom, gently shutting the door behind him.

He knew he was dreaming, he was aware that this wasn’t real, but it felt real. The sheets were real beneath his fingers. Tyler’s breath rapidly veered from laborous to next to nothing. It was a dream, but it was beyond his control.

Jim abruptly stopped barking.

The silence was more terrifying than the sound. Fear made Tyler tightly shut his eyes, praying that he would be safe, but he heard the bedroom door creaking open again, and he knew it was impossible. 

Opening his eyes only revealed a dark, cloaked figure, standing still at his bedside. Then, they lunged, hands clutching at his body, grabbing him, hurting him. Tyler screamed.

Blackness again.


	38. Like Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this hurt to write but !!! things are happening 👀

Dizziness swamped Tyler’s body. Cold hands shoved him, making him stumble forward. The world seemed to swim in front of his eyes, and he struggled to decipher what he was seeing. 

The hands shoved him again, pushing him, until his knees hit something solid and he fell forward. His hands clutched at something soft, and despite the comfort some part of him knew this wasn’t a safe place. The other hands relented, for a moment, and Tyler was able to get his bearings. 

Turning to face his attacker sent a wave of nausea over him. Nico stood at his bedside, gaze unreadable. It was clear, now, as the rest of the room came into visibility, that he was in Dema. He’d been taken back.

“You live among them,” Nico said in a cold, calm tone. “You wear their clothes, you speak with them. You have left the city four times. Do you deny these charges?”

Tyler just breathed, and kept his hands still on the blankets. He did not move. This silence was a confirmation--a rebellion--in itself. 

Nico was silent, too, looking down at Tyler, and Tyler dared to meet his gaze, to look into the face of the man of who had violated so much of his life. He was, perhaps for the first time in his recent memory, furious.

The bishop stepped away. “I will return at four to construct your punishment. You will not be working today.” And with that, he was gone.

The few seconds of bravery gave out. Tyler’s entire body began to tremble, and he finally let out the choked sob that was stuck in his throat. Panic rooted itself in his lungs, making him wheeze; the pain in his neck didn’t help, either. 

Breathe. He had to breathe. He pressed his hands into his knees, forcing air in and out of his body. One. Two. Three. Four.

He thought of Josh. His heart cracked.

No. No, this couldn’t happen again, he couldn’t let this happen again. 

As he dragged in another breath, Tyler tried to think. If he couldn’t let this happen again, then his only option was to escape. He couldn’t overpower Nico if it came to that, and even if he could, he’d still be in the city. 

The banditos must have noticed his absence by now--how much time had passed?--but they wouldn’t be able to come for him. Josh, he remembered, had had to sneak away alone to rescue him, and that had taken four months' work. No, he couldn’t rely on the others this time. 

He would have to do this alone.


	39. Still Haven't Found

It was nearly one in the morning, and Tyler was filled with a frantic, but controlled energy. This felt final, felt sure; he wasn’t coming back to Dema again. He’d die before that happened. 

There were the four sunflowers under his bed, from the four escapes he had made with Josh. Tyler carefully pulled the last sunflower from his pocket--crumpled, dried--and placed it on his pillow with the others. He was leaving, but he hoped that someone, whether Nico or a citizen, would see the flowers, and that it would make them think.

One more breath, one more moment, standing in front of the door. He had heard the slow pacing from outside, had tested the knob to find it locked. This would take more than physical strength.

His fist knocked at the door, just enough to be heard but not enough to make a racket. A few moments passed, and Tyler began to wonder if it had worked. 

The door peeked open, just an inch, to reveal a sliver of a person. Tyler swallowed, lowered his head, and signed quickly before they could close the door again. ‘I need to share words with the Lord Bishop.’

The guard’s face was unreadable, and their fingers moved in a way attained only from years of practice. ‘I’ve been instructed to keep you contained.’

‘It’s important,’ Tyler urged. ‘The rebels told me about their plans. They’re raiding the city, tonight.’

A hesitation from the guard, and finally the door opened to let him out. ‘Follow me closely,’ they signed. ‘There could be rebel eyes anywhere.’ 

Tyler nodded, feigning seriousness. They must not have been told of why he was imprisoned; Nico wouldn’t want anyone to know it was possible to escape, not even trusted citizens.

Silently, they made their way down the hall. Most citizens worked at night, which meant the building was mostly empty. Tyler would use that.

He waited, waited until they were close, until the stairwell was so close he could taste it, and then he threw himself at the guard with his entire weight. 

Surprised, the guard went down, and Tyler punched him square in the face. Pain immediately erupted in his hand, but he hit him again before quickly scrambling off. Tyler had been lucky enough to hit him in the nose, which was bleeding rather quickly, and the guard was also clutching at an eye. Still, there was no time to see what he had done. Tyler turned and ran down the hallway.

His only advantage was that the guard, despite being of high ranking, was unable to audibly call for help. Only the bishops were supposed to use their voices. 

Running, putting all of the strength in his body into speed, was loud in the usually silent halls, but it was a risk he chose to take. Tyler reached the stairway, leapt down the stairs, and bolted for the tunnel, slamming the door shut behind him.


	40. Only To Be With You

The tunnels held memories, now, of escapes and reuniting and kisses. This time, there was a sore difference--Tyler was alone. 

But he had made it this far, and he wasn’t going back. The air was cold and clean, filling his lungs with much needed oxygen. 

No time to pause. Tyler’s body was sore, but again, he dared to run.

He half expected to see Josh at the end of the tunnel, eyes glinting with the flame of the lighter, bandana pulled tight over the lower half of his face. He wanted to be hugged, to be held, to be greeted with a kiss and a camouflage jacket around his shoulders.

His heart ached when he saw the end of the tunnel, because there was no one there. 

Finally, he stopped running, and wiped his nose with his sleeve. His fist still hurt from punching the guard, but he didn’t think any of his fingers were broken. 

Tyler waited until he had caught his breath, and then he moved on. 

There were no torches to light his way, only the moon; half full, watching him. Tyler’s breathing hitched when he saw it, but he swallowed his fear. It wasn’t malicious, it wasn’t violent, it was a satellite glowing among the stars. And it was his only guide.

He had traveled this way before, but not alone. Every boulder seemed unfamiliar, every scraggly tree seemed to leer at him. Sometimes, he thought he might know where he was going, but then he would see something he hadn’t before--a shallow pit, a tree stump--and he knew he was lost.

Clutching his hoodie strings, Tyler told himself it didn’t matter. He had made it out of the city; whatever was out here, it wasn't there. He had himself, he had Trench surrounding him, and he had his clothes. His hoodie, still as yellow as when Josh had given it to him. 

Thinking of Josh made him want to cry. He must be so worried…

Tyler swallowed, and shook his head to clear it. He couldn’t think of Josh right now, or anything else for that matter. All he could do was keep going.


	41. Through The Fields

Tyler walked for hours through the dark, stumbling blindly over dead grass and carefully climbing crumbling cliffs, where he could. His hands were scratched from scraping the stones, his feet were sore from traveling, but he went on.

He almost cried when he saw the sky begin to lighten, when he saw the stars start to fade. The sun slowly began to rise in the sky, giving him a direction, at least, to where he was going. East.

“Good to see you,” he whispered to the sun.

As it rose higher, he realized how cold he had been, from wandering in the night, and he relished the warmth the daylight gave him. It was definitely past four now. It was past four, and he had escaped, lost as he might be.

He hadn’t eaten since the previous day, when the banditos had gathered for a midday meal. Tyler dared to rest for a minute, feeling weak. Leaning against a small tree was impossibly good, and he was tempted to rest here for a while in the hopes the banditos would find him. It was shady, and sheltered by the high grass. It was quiet, too, save for the bubbling of the creek. 

The creek! Tyler snapped his eyes open. Josh had told him there was only one source of water in Trench, and it was the creek. He had been there a few times, and he knew it eventually led to the waterfall. If he could find the waterfall, he could find his way home.

Home. The banditos were home. Josh was home. It was as clear as the sky.

Tyler staggered onward on weary legs, in the direction of the sound, and sure enough, the creek was only a few yards from where he had stopped to rest. He fell to his knees, scooping water into his hands and pouring it into his parched mouth.

He drank for a few minutes, relief coursing through his body. He was almost there. He was so close to the camp, he could taste it. 

Then a shadow fell across the creek, and his blood went cold.


	42. I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last chapter before the epilogue!!!

Tyler felt paralyzed, but he managed to turn to face the direction of the shadow. Getting to his feet, squinting into the sun, he saw a figure on the edge of the clifftops, dressed in green and yellow, with an X over his heart.

His own heart leapt.

“Tyler!” Josh shouted. More banditos appeared at the edge of the clifftops, having heard Josh’s cries. He was safe.

“Josh!”

“Tyler!” Josh’s voice, he realized, was not joyful, but panicked; he was pointing upstream. Tyler whipped around.

A cloaked figure was entering the valley.

Tyler stood and watched as Nico rode his brilliant white stallion, slowing the horse’s pace. As he drew closer, Tyler realized that the bishop did not seem angry. Indeed, he approached Tyler as you would a wild animal; carefully and slowly. In his ragged state, he must look like one.

“My son.”

He said nothing in neither voice nor sign, staying still and facing the bishop, waiting for him to speak. This was his confrontation alone; Tyler knew the banditos wouldn’t be able to get to him, not in time, and if they did, what could they do?

He waited for a speech, a soliloquy, but Nico gave him neither.

“Come home,” the bishop said simply.

And he could have. Tyler could have lowered his head and followed him back to Dema, gone back to a life of constant terror, of waiting for a punishment he did not deserve, that _no one_ deserved.

But he didn’t.

“I’m not your son.”

Everything seemed to quiet. The banditos, Nico, even the horse were frozen, listening. The only sounds were the creek, and the rise of Tyler’s voice.

“Dema isn’t my home, and I’m not your son. Everything you’ve ever told me is a lie.” Tyler swallowed, lifting his chin and staring into the bishop’s face with all the defiance he had. “You pretend to be high and mighty, and you use your power for abuse. I know what you’ve done,” he said firmly, “better than anyone. And I’m not going back.”

His words were met with silence.

Tyler waited for Nico to speak, to denounce him, to do anything. But something yellow flicked past his eye, and then another in front of his face, and then hundreds of them.

Tyler was in awe. The banditos were throwing flower petals off the cliffs, covering the figures below. Tyler had heard the banditos mention rain, once and this must be what it was like; a curtain of flickering shapes, each with its own trajectory and destination.

But he did not forget why he was here. Nico’s horse was startled, neighing and whipping its head from side to side, hooves stamping on the ground. Still, in the chaos, he heard Josh’s shout. “ _Run_!”

Tyler did exactly that.

The creek water splashed his pant legs as he raced through the shallow water, soaking his shoes. He was exhausted, worn from his trek through Trench, but he ran.

Hoofbeats, the splashing of water, and he knew Nico was behind him. Panic urged him on, and he ran through the creek, hurrying, pushing, trying to get away, he _had to get away._

The ground seemed to almost end at a certain point ahead of him. Tyler heard another sound, a roaring, and too late, he realized what it was. He tried to stop, but the water pushed him on, tumbling right over the edge of the waterfall, with Nico in tow. The last thing he heard, over the churning of the water, was Josh screaming his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you hate me yet :)


	43. Epilogue

The sunflower at the edge of the camp waved gently in the wind. Its petals were outstretched like fingers, as though reaching for the sun.

A hand tugged at the flower’s stem, twisting it carefully to pluck it from the ground. Tyler held it gingerly, like it was something sacred. He looked at it for a long moment before turning and heading back to camp.

So much had happened in the past two months that his life from before felt unreal. It started that day he made his way back through Trench alone, the day he nearly died. He had slowed his descent just enough to fall to a small ledge nearly ten feet from the top of the cliff, where he’d desperately clung until he looked up and saw Josh’s tear-streaked face, arms outstretched to pull him to safety.

Nico hadn’t been so lucky. They’d found his cloak days later at the bottom of the falls, torn beyond repair. His horse, too, was found.

They never found the bishop’s body, but no one could survive falling so far. He was gone.

The result in the city was almost immediate. A whole district suddenly found themselves without a leader, and it was chaotic. People were roaming the streets, some even pushing at the city walls. The other bishops were scrambling to regain control, to find a replacement, but it was clear that they were lost without their strongest.

There were so many new banditos--from Nico’s district, but others as well--that they had to expand the camp. There were frequent explorations into the city, to spread the message of freedom in the districts and to retrieve anyone who wished to leave.

Dema was still there, but with Nico gone, it was much weaker, and many banditos had hope that in time the city itself would collapse without him.

Tyler was one such bandito. Every rebel knew him as the one who had led Nico to his death; they remembered his face and spoke his name. Like it or not, he had become the face of the banditos, proof that there was life beyond the city walls. In the past two months, he had started leaving the camp on his own, putting all his energy into bringing the city down. He’d even gone into the districts a few times, with Josh close to his side.

Josh’s tent had become their tent, and that was just fine with the both of them.

Tyler stepped into said tent now, still holding the flower in his hand. Josh was dozing in bed, worn from a late-night raid, but he rolled over when he heard Tyler approach. A sleepy smile grew on his face. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Tyler smiled, too, sinking to his knees and leaning in to kiss Josh. The other bandito pulled him closer, pulling him down, and Tyler laughed as their mouths met.

The sun was up, the city was far away, and, for now, they were safe.

“I got something for you,” Tyler told him as he separated their lips. He pressed the sunflower into his hand.

Josh didn’t smile. Josh shone like the sun, glowing with those crinkled eyes and perfect teeth. He clutched Tyler’s hand, and pressed a kiss to each one of his fingers.

It wasn’t bad. No, not bad at all.

As a matter of fact, it was pretty great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> firstly I want to thank lois for being there for me and supporting this fic :,) you mean so much to me dude, this fic was how we met and I'll always be glad that we did. 
> 
> I also want to thank you! you, the reader! for reading this. I don't need comments or kudos, I'm happy just knowing that someone read it and may have enjoyed it :) thank you for staying with me. 
> 
> to conclude this, ironically, I am letting you know that this isn't concluded! while bio itself is over, I'm making a series of smaller oneshots placed in the same universe--behind the scenes things, insight from different characters, and so on. if there's anything specific you'd like me to write about, drop a comment and let me know!


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